Naruto: Bright Future
by BrightSpark882
Summary: On a roll of destiny's dice, the only child of Tobirama Senju survives, and with it, a chance for history to be rewritten. Strong!Naruto, Narutoxharem, Main Pairing up for voting.
1. Chapter 1

Hideaki Senju sighed as she strolled along the path to the Leaf Village Shinobi Academy. She had a white shaggy mane of hair pushed back by a black forehead protector, crimson eyes, and a small necklace with a blue rectangular crystal on a gold circle. She wore a black hooded jacket lined with white fur, a short pleated skirt that showed off her sturdy leather thigh-high boots and wouldn't get in her way if she tried to kick something, and large leather shoulderpads stuck out a half-foot either side of her shoulders, connected to chest straps that held an extra-long katana with an obsidian blade and diamond tip holstered on her back. A small but long white dog was perched upon her head, like Akamaru but pointier, two smaller dogs on her shoulderpads, for while her grandfather was the great Tobirama Senju, her grandmother was an Inuzuka. Their daughter was a badass, she once defeated an Uchiha in a duel to the death and took his eyes as a reward, and had eventually married a Nara man, and had her. These eyes were implanted and bound to her at birth, forcing her body to accept the Sharingan eyes as her own, and she grew up bouncing between the boring-ass Nara household, where the only thing to do all way was either read, train in the barely-used Clan training grounds or play games like Shogi and Go against her cousin Shikamaru, and the noisy-ass Inuzuka household where you trained or played with dogs or did both, for most of her childhood. On her graduation day when she became a Genin, she would have to decide on a family to live with permanently, which wasn't exactly something she was looking forwards to. Her dogs travelled with her, unable to stay in the Inuzuka kennels like most Ninja dogs because, and so they bounced between kennels in her soundproof bedrooms in the two clan compounds. Her cousin Shikamaru thought she was weird but cool instead of just cool, and her cousin Kiba thought she was usually fun but a bit too obsessive when it came to her ritualistically hardcore training schedule, saying she needed to loosen up and learn to have fun, but apart from that, they liked her, and she liked them, even if it sometimes felt like the rest of her two families didn't see her as one of theirs.

It was her first day at the Academy, she was starting a year later than everyone else but expected graduate in a single year, and she was nervous, not that she looked it. She knew not everyone had a pedigree like hers, and she remembered the stares of others as she walked past. The Legacy of Tobirama Senju, they called her. And no matter what she did or how hard she worked or how many jutsu she learned, even when she refused to use the Sharingan she never asked for, everyone who saw her just rolled their eyes and said "Oh, of course you're good with a heritage like THAT. Senju, Sharingan, Nara and Inuzuka? I bet I'd be good, too, if my parents were as good as yours! Stop showing off, you jerk!"

She had learned the fighting styles of the Senju, Inuzuka and Nara at a young age, and could switch between the three as easily as she could shift into the taijutsu styles she'd learned in her spare time, the acrobatic and unpredictable Sorakido and the ruthless and analytical Chimido. She learned that when fighting a lesser opponent, things went better for her if she taunted and humiliated them rather than simply defeating them fairly, as it made them angrier but less likely to try something if they didn't know her true power. To that end, and to try and have some fun, she began to develop original attacks, Jutsus and techniques, including some that were mainly intended for taunting.

She arrived and entered the Academy building with the other students, ignoring the stares and whispered and not-so-whispered remarks, but much to her surprise, she found another kid going through the same treatment. He had messy blonde hair, and an orange jacket with blue highlights. She realised this was the idiot Naruto her parents warned her about... But, he was friends with her cousins, so she surely couldn't be that bad.

She decided that after her first lesson, when the students had their break, she'd talk to him.

The first lesson was kicked off by an announcement that Hideaki Senju was a new student here to learn. She took her seat in the front row, ignored the confused, surprised and scornful murmurs, and focused on the lesson, advanced Ninja tactics. Well, advanced for an Academy Student, anyway. Honestly, it surprised her that there could actually be an idiot out there who didn't understand how ambushes, defensible positions, surprise attacks and flanking worked.

Thankfully, the twenty-minute lesson didn't take too long, and the academy students all had to run three laps around the room. Hideaki and Kiba quickly got into the lead, sprinting ahead and overtaking everyone else, and then pouring on the speed as each tried to run faster than the other, all thoughts of pacing themselves lost forever.

"Yo." She greeted casually. "You're Naruto, right?"

"Yeah, what of it?" He asked, expecting the worst.

"I'm Hideaki Senju." She said patting him on the back. "How are you?"

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and I'm gonna become Hokage some day! Believe it!" Naruto said. "Hey, wait a second... Senju as in... the first Hokage?"

"No, the second one." Hideaki sighed. "Tobirama Senju is my grandfather."

"Why'd you say it like that?" He asked, surprised.

"Because nobody sees me for who I really am." She sighed. "It's just Senju-Sama this and Senju-Sama that. Also, with my Nara and Inuzuka heritage, I have two families and neither one sees me as truly theirs."

"At least you have a family." He grumbled.

"You're another war orphan?" She asked with mock sympathy. "And because you're sadder than me, it means I don't get to be sad at all, ever? Aw, boo hoo hoo. Let me play a sad song for you on the world's smallest violin."

"What?!" He barked.

"Illusion Art: World's Smallest Violin!" She cast, and all who heard her heard the sound of a violin playing a sad song as she rubbed together her forefinger and thumb.

The others in the playground laughed at Naruto, which annoyed him. He growled, and then snapped. "Are you trying to pick a fight with me?!" He demanded.

"Not really, but I'm up for a fight if you are." She said, and as if a red smoke flare was sent off, everyone rushed over to crowd around them and watch the fight.

"Oooh, this is gonna be good!" Sakura said, grinning. "That little brat's gonna get his butt kicked!"

"Of all the people he could end up fighting..." Shikamaru grumbled.

"Hmm... he's my friend, but she's my cousin... who do I root for?" Kiba wondered.

"Tell me about it." Shikamaru sighed.

"I've got it!" Kiba declared. "I'll root for them both!"

"Well... Make the first move." Hideaki shrugged, putting her hands in her pockets and getting into the lazy bastardized version of the Nara Taijutsu stance, Way of the Sloth.

"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Naruto yelled, performing the handseal and surrounding her with Shadow Clones.

Hideaki was surprised, but didn't let it bother her at all. She simply got ready to fight, shifting from the Way of the Sloth to Sorado, straightening up and raising her arms, bending her knees a little and resting on the tips of her feet. She refused to use her Sharingan on an opponent like this.

A Naruto clone ran at her and swung a fist at her face, and she grabbed his arm, spun around his arm, rested her right leg atop it, and then kicked him in the face, dispersing him in a single hit.

She remained in that stance and leapt forwards, spearkicking one in the face before swinging her leg around at another's head hard enough to swing him into another clone, and another one, dispersing all three. She then hopped onto her hands, sticking her body in the air, and then she stretched her legs out horizontally and twirled, her legs like rotating fuuma shuriken as she hopped up and spun three times, slicing through clones and landing, hopping up with her hands and landing foot-first on a Shadow Clone's head, dispersing him and landing gracefully on the ground, sticking her arms out like a champion wrestler and beckoning for more applause.

"Great going, Sis!" Kiba called out.

"Naruto..." Hinata said softly.

"Whoah, she's amazing." Chouji said.

"Meh, if you like that sort of thing." Ino said, trying to not look impressed.

"Is this really her first day?" Sasuke asked, shocked. He totally wasn't impressed or nothing, he just wasn't expecting someone to be this good. Oh, he wished he had his Sharingan right now!

"Wow, she's almost as good as you, Sasuke!" Sakura gushed.

"Almost." He said.

"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Naruto shouted, not wanting to be beat, creating more clones to replace the original.

Hideaki looked around at the swarm of clones that'd appeared around her...

And then she nodded her head, and her dogs attacked.

The dog on her right, Jirou, leapt up and initiated the Fang Over Fang jutsu, becoming a spiralling white drill that pierced clones like a hot knife through butter, rushing out at high speeds and tearing through the ranks. The dog on her left, Ayako, did the same, but stayed closer to her and defended her, giving her a spiralling perimeter of safety that grew every second. And the dog atop her head, Daisuke, leapt up and spun in the air faster than Akamaru could, and rotating streams of yellow liquid lashing out and striking the Shadow Clones hard enough to disperse most of them quickly.

Everyone laughed at Naruto as his Clones screamed a little before getting hit, Kiba's howling laughter loudest of all. And then the streams spun out and hit everyone, angering them all. One of Sasuke's fangirls even threw up, the smell was that awful. What the heck was she feeding those dogs?!

Naruto soon realised that Shadow Clones wouldn't work, and charged at her only to get covered in dog pee.

Everyone laughed at him, but that wouldn't stop him. He charged, and swung a punch right at her face, and time seemed to slow down as his fist got closer and closer to her gave.

She leaned to the side, easily dodging his strike with a casual, unimpressed expression on her face, and then she stepped around him, and ended up standing behind him. She shot her leg back and kicked him in the butt, sending him flying into a crowd of fangirls. He landed face-first on a civilian fangirl's ample chest, knocking them both to the ground, his hand landing on something soft, other hand landing on something softer.

The girls screamed, the boys laughed and congratulated Naruto, and Sasuke rolled his eyes. Hideaki laughed, because that was what she was aiming for. She felt sorry for him, being alone and unloved, and getting her butt kicked by him, so she thought she'd give him a little treat.

She thought it'd make the fangirls hate her, which she wouldn't mind, but instead, they got mad and crowded around him, weakly kicking and pinching him while he did nothing to defend himself.

She wasn't sure which of those two things ticked her off more, but she was about to cross them both out.

Her head-dog, Daisuke, leapt up and gave them all a sudden shower, not a single drop landing on Naruto despite the wild spinning, stunning the fangirls.

Her other two dogs landed on the heads of the furthest two fangirls, giving them a face full of pee, which got in their eyes and mouth and nose, while she used Shunshin no Jutsu to flicker over to him and she punched a different fangirl in the face hard enough to crack her jaw and send her flying back into a tree hard enough to knock splinters from it. She then did a roundhouse kick, knocking one fangirl into three others and knocking them all to the ground, while her two shoulder dogs landed on the chests of the screaming bodies of the girls who'd taken a urine blast to the face, growling at the others.

She reached down and grabbed a downed and marked fangirl by the neck, lifting her up as the others backed away slowly, ignoring her weak struggles. "So, you all want to join this fight, huh?!" She snapped.

"No, we just-" A fangirl said weakly.

"You attacked my opponent. MY opponent." She growled. "You've just joined this fight, and it's a FREE FOR ALL!"

She grit her teeth and slammed her forehead down into hers, letting go of her throat and slamming her into the ground hard enough to dent it.

She then grabbed Naruto by the shoulders and hoisted him up, setting him on his feet. "Get up and FIGHT!" She demanded.

"But these are girls!" He protested.

"They are not mere girls, they are Kunoichi in training, and your refusal to fight them and respect them enough to fight at full strength is even more rude than flipping them off!" She said, her dogs landing on her shoulders and head with practiced ease. "Now FIGHT!" She yelled, casting a Genjutsu on him through his eyes.

"Okay, I'll fight." Naruto said uncertainly, getting back into his raw street brawler stance.

"You have got to learn a real taijutsu stance some day." She pointed out, looking distastefully at his stance. "I'll take you to the scroll section of the library tonight."

"They don't really like me there." He admitted.

"What, did you prank them or something?" She asked. "Did you replace all the books with copies of Icha Icha Paradise, or replace all the books with Transformed Shadow Clones ordered to sneak away in the night and leave people you didn't like with huge library fees?"

"That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?!" He asked, amazed. "But no, I never pranked the library. I totally should some time, though."

"Whatever. You don't need a card to read books or scrolls, you just need one to take them out. You can read with me."

"Alright. Thanks!" Naruto said happily.

"Look alive, here they come!" Hideaki said, getting into her fighting stance as her dogs barked as one. "Fight!" She yelled.

"Got it!" He said, the Genjutsu taking effect. He stood back to back with her, and all uncertainty and hesitation went away.

They rushed forwards, her chopping a fangirl in the throat and punching another in the face hard enough to send her flying in the same move, while Naruto created two Shadow Clones and slugged one brunette fangirl in the face, his second clone leaping up and jumping off his back, rising up and meteor-punching another brunette fangirl down in the head into the ground. His third Naruto jumped up, jumped off the first Naruto's back, got a leg up from the second one, and spun an axe kick down at another blonde fangirl hard enough to send her head down to the ground with a loud crack.

Hideaki, not willing to be beat, performed a jutsu. "Water Clone Jutsu!" She said, creating twelve Water Clones that dashed forwards and kicked ass without his epic combination attacks, her current fighting style being suited to speed and agility rather than clone usage, one clone snap-kicking a blonde fangirl in the chin hard enough to slowly knock her into the air while a second leapt up and spin-kicked her into the body of a second black-haired fangirl hard enough to kick up smoke and break ribs, a water clone rushing out of the smoke and handstanding right in front of a fangirl, her butt in her face, and when the fangirl brought up her arms to block the axe kick she was expecting, the water clone blasted out a loud and long fart, much to the shock of everyone besides Hideaki, causing the fangirl to scream and claw at her own face, the chakra-enhanced scent being that bad. "Forest Skunk Jutsu!" The water clone shouted, continuing to fart before it finally sputtered out and stopped.

The clone then reached forwards with her legs, grabbing the coughing and spluttering fangirl's head with her legs and lifting her up, spinning her like a throwing hammer and throwing her into a blonde fangirl hard enough to send them both flying back into a black-haired fangirl, knocking out all three and cracking ribs and legs from the impact.

"What the hell?!" Shikamaru asked as Ino screamed in disgust and Chouji took a few steps back from her but continuing to eat his chips, though he now ate them slower.

Kiba doubled over with howling laughter, Shino didn't react outwardly, and Hinata only stared in shock. "Good one, Cuz'!" Kiba shouted, Cuz being short for Cousin.

"Ewwwwww!" Sakura yelled, while Sasuke was glad he didn't have his Sharingan just yet. "What is wrong with her?!"

"She went with what worked best in the situation." Sasuke said, surprised. "It's disgusting, but it certainly worked."

"You're not defending her, are you?!" Sakura gasped.

"Of course not, she's just playing around with her opponents. Toying with them, the way a cat toys with a mouse. They pissed her off, but they haven't earned the right to be taken seriously." He recognized, watching and analyzing her.

"Oh, Sasuke, you're so smart!" Sakura squealed fangirlishly.

"I knew that!" Inner Sakura growled.

There weren't many fangirls left, but Naruto and Hideaki each wanted to beat the other in this impromptu competition. Naruto threw a kunai, which was actually a Shadow Clone that turned back into himself just as he was about to hit a fangirl in the chest and he instead punched her in the face while Hideaki's Water Clones spin-kicked a fangirl into a wall, bouncing back just in time to be face-punched into the wall and knocked out.

One fangirl who was really good at stealth and was actually hiding on the ground beneath a grass-coloured cape suddenly leapt up out of her disguise with a shout of "Kunoichi Secret Art: Shatter The Spheres!" and kicked Naruto in the crotch, making him scream and fall to the ground, every man watching only giving a weak oooh of sympathetic pain instead of attacking her for doing something dangerous, petty, and unforgivable like they should.

Furious, Hideaki rushed over to her and grabbed her shirt with her left hand, pulling her closer as her right hand punched her in the mouth hard enough to knock out four teeth, and then chopped her throat, and then Hideaki jumped and swung her leg up and scissor kicked the fangirl in the crotch hard enough to permanently neuter her. "It's called... Kunoichi Secret Art: Gelding Blade!" She declared as the fangirl screamed and landed and writhed on the ground, nobody having ever kicked her there before because nobody knew it hurt women just as much as men if kicked hard enough. "THAT is the name of the technique, and it is ONLY to be used on bandits and Missing Nin, and in EMERGENCIES ONLY!" She then began to furiously kick her downed body in the chest and head. "Or did you MISS! That DAY! Of TRAINING?!"

Finally, she slapped an explosive tag onto her and punted her away like a bouncy ball, kicking her into the final few fangirls remaining and scattering their burned bodies far away.

And with that done, the fangirls were defeated, and she was the last one standing, Naruto still on the ground. "I win!" Hideaki shouted.

She then reached a hand down to Naruto, helping him up. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah..." he groaned. "Don't worry, I heal fast. They'll grow back soon."

"When they do, I'd love to fight you again. Your Shadow Clones make great moving targets, and I bet you'd be awesome some day." Hideaki offered.

She then smiled, having gotten an idea. "Actually, that's not a bad idea. I've never met a man or woman who could rival me, so why don't I help you out so you can be my rival? I won't be your sensei or anything, I'll just get you some proper training and some good scrolls, too."

"Sure, sounds fun, but... I decided Sasuke would be my rival long ago." Naruto said.

"Oh? Okay, which one's Sasuke?" Hideaki asked.

"That would be me." Sasuke said coolly, stepping towards her as Ino and Sakura, the only fangirls left standing, watched excitedly, hoping to see him kick her ass and avenge their Fanclub's name. "It's customary to reveal your own name before asking someone else's."

"Ok. I am the master of ten fighting styles, four clans, and over a hundred Jutsu!" Hideaki declared, settling into her Chimido stance, one bent arm horizontal and another vertical. "I am Hideaki Senju! Make your move!"

"It's customary to let the weaker opponent go first." Sasuke taunted, getting into his Uchiha taijutsu stance.

"Fair enough, go ahead. Show me what you've got, duck-butt." She said dismissively.

"After you." He said.

"No, I insist, you first." She responded.

"Move."

"You first."

"GET ON WITH IT!" Kiba shouted, as Naruto went over to him and Shikamaru to watch the fight.

"Damn, guys, your cousin's a badass!" Naruto laughed.

"What did you expect? She's related to us." Kiba pointed out.

Hideaki growled. "Sasuke, make your move, or I break you."

"Hn. Very well then." Sasuke said, getting ready to attack.

And then she put her hands in her pockets and he suddenly copied the pose she was making, much to his surprise, and she laughed. "And they call you a Genius?" She asked, tilting her head towards him, causing her head-dog Daisuke to hop down, prance over to him, and stick up his leg, not just marking him but relieving himself on the boy's legs and feet, a puddle forming around him as her shoulder-dogs leapt up and performed the Dynamic Marking Jutsu, soaking him in spiralling streams of pee.

"Did nobody tell you I'm a Nara?" Hideaki wondered. "This is why I go by Senju. It takes people off guard, they doubt a person could actually be all that. But I am all that."

"Daaamn yooou!" Sasuke growled, rooted to the spot as her dogs soaked him and everyone laughed at him.

Hideaki slapped her butt, causing Sasuke to do the same, but he didn't have a thick cloth-armour pleated skirt on so he loudly yelped in pain. She then forced him to begin dancing seductively, and Ino and Sakura suddenly got serious nosebleeds.

Sasuke's hatred and fury grew and grew, until he finally screamed with rage and forced his body to take a step forwards, her doing the same. He did it again, and she gave up on the Shadow Possession Jutsu, her shadow moving back and becoming normal again. Her dogs got back onto her shoulders and head, and they seemed a lot happier now, as if they really needed that.

Sasuke furiously charged at her, and she leapt up suddenly, landing on his head and knocking him off balance, landing on the ground behind him and kicking him in the butt, sending him flying into Sakura, face hitting her flat chest hard enough to break his nose.

Sakura's nose erupted in twin fountains of blood, coating his face and hair and forehead protector, and he got up as she passed out with a fangirlish squeal while Ino screamed in rage and demanded he do that to her next.

Sasuke ignored her and attacked Hideaki, going into an incredibly complex combo that she had no trouble avoiding, even as his attacks became faster than his eyes could see. She didn't need to see to be able to smell him, and her finely-honed instincts combined with her taijutsu skill to let her dodge everything he could send out no matter how fast and no matter how angry he got.

"My turn." She said, and she reappeared behind him and bodily kicked him away, punting him like a ball, knocking him high into the air before he flipped over and landed gracefully, dodging a right hook by leaning, then he dodged a left, then she put her foot on his chest and kicked him away, sending him flying back before he flipped over and recovered in time to begin using Jutsu. "Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!" He yelled, spitting a fireball at her.

"Water Dragon Jutsu!" Hideaki shouted, and launched a dragon of spiralling water with crimson eyes right through his fireball and then it flew right at him, which he dodged by jumping to the side, only for her jutsu to hit the ground beneath him and explode furiously, the blast of water knocking him back. Hideaki disappeared, he flipped over in the air and righted himself, and she reappeared behind him, leg extended to kick him right in the back, knocking him forwards into a Water Clone that punched him in the gut.

He screamed and fell to the ground, and she let him fall, standing over his body and looking down. "You call yourself an Uchiha?" Hideaki asked, amused.

"Shut up." He growled.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shouted, and ran over to him to defend him, swinging a punch at Hideaki.

Hideaki dodged, grabbed her arm, and snapped her wrist like it was a twig, and she wasn't expecting it to be quite so easy. "Ok, you REALLY need to start working out." Hideaki said, and then as the pink-haired fangirl screamed, she got behind her and kicked her into Ino's chest face-first, Sakura getting knocked out from the impact while Ino was knocked back, and Kiba laughed at them.

Hideaki turned to Sasuke, the one Genin she hoped would give her a challenge. "If the rest of your clan is as weak as you, no wonder they all died out." She said.

Sasuke screamed in rage, getting up and drawing his kunai even though this was supposed to be a light spar, stabbing it into her neck. "Shut up!" He screamed.

Hideaki exploded into water, and he shut his eyes to shield his face from the blast.

And then the real Hideaki appeared behind him, grabbed him by the back of his head, and slammed him down face-first into the dirt. "Ooh, what's the matter? Can't handle getting beat? I should kill you for stabbing me... but it's just a clone, so you're safe for now. But pull a knife on me again, and I will snap you in half."

She slammed her foot down on his back, slipping a disc out of alignment and preventing him from getting up. He screamed in pain, and she left him there as she walked away. The Ninja Academy had its own nurse on hand 24/7, she wouldn't have any problem fixing everything Hideaki had just broken.

"That was awesome, Hideaki!" Kiba cheered. "You too, Naruto!"

"Damn, she's got one hell of a temper." Ino commented, being helped up by Chouji.

"She seemed calm to me." Chouji said.

"She was hiding it." Shikamaru pointed out.

Hideaki strolled over to Naruto, who was amazed. "Woah... you totally kicked his ass!"

"Yep. Now, remember, you're coming with me after school today, ok?" Hideaki said, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay! Um... I was kinda hoping to go on a date with Sakura, though." Naruto admitted.

"Ok. Yo, Sakura!" Hideaki called out to nobody in particular.

"That one's Sakura." Naruto admitted, looking at the downed pink-haired girl.

"The weak one?" Hideaki asked, surprised. "Lame. Hey Sakura, do you mind if Naruto and I go to the library?"

Sakura said nothing, because she was knocked out.

"I'm not hearing a no!" Hideaki said happily.

The bell rang to signal that they all had to go to class, and Hideaki went back into the building feeling a lot better than she did this morning.

* * *

AN/ Well, here it is! My first story on this site. It's my first time, but there's no need to be gentle, I love this show and I'm going to watch the whole thing. Naruto will get a harem, but the main pairing will be up for voting. Who will win? Will it be Tsunade? Sakura? Hinata? Or maybe even... Hideaki?


	2. Chapter 2

"Well, here we are." Hideaki said merrily, her three dogs yipping happily as she and Naruto entered the library. "If I were some lamer Civilian, I'd have to leave my dogs outside, but these are Ninja Dogs, and I can take them wherever I want because they're just as Ninja as any person. Or more Ninja, in the case of losers like Sasuke or Sakura."

"Hey, I like Sakura, and she's going to be my girlfriend some day!" Naruto said, stopping and pointing right at her.

"Why?" She asked, confused.

"Huh?" Naruto huhd.

"She's mean, she hits you, she's short, she's flatter than a pancake, she obsesses over Sasuke goddamn Uchiha, she doesn't like you, she's got no Ninja skill or abilities, she doesn't seem to ever really train, she can't do Taijutsu, she sucks at Ninjutsu, and I've never seen her practice Genjutsu at all. She's a total loser, and her pink hair makes her look like Amy Rose. How can you love someone like that?"

"Because... because... she's pretty?" Naruto said uncertainly.

"I'm pretty. Does that mean if I told you to jump off a building, you'd do it?"

"If it'd show off my awesome Ninja skills, then sure!" Naruto said.

"What if I asked you to prank Iruka?"

"Uh... only if it was a fun and harmless one."

"What if I asked you to... punch Iruka-sensei in the face?"

"What?! No way!" He said, surprised she'd even consider that. He liked Iruka!

"Good, you do have a spine. Now, just because a girl is pretty doesn't mean you have to follow her like a lost dog and do whatever the hell she wants just to make her happy for a little while. Be yourself, and a girl worth being with will love you for who you are, not because you're willing to be her servant and marrying you is the best way to keep you working for her forever." Hideaki said, standing on a nearby box. "If you're married, then sure, whatever keeps it spicy, but girls don't want to screw dogs, they want cool guys. All the girls love cool guys."

"Really?" Naruto asked, surprised.

"Yes! Did nobody tell you this stuff?" She asked, surprised, and then grinned. "Why do you think Sasuke has so many fangirls? His smile and personality?"

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, you're right. So, I should be more like Sasuke if I want Sakura to like me?"

"Oh, hell no!" Hideaki laughed. "Just be calmer, cleverer, cooler. Make your look cooler, too."

"You don't like the colour?" Naruto asked, surprised. He liked orange. It was a cool, bright, awesome colour.

"The colour's fine, just make it... you know, cooler."

"You don't like the... style?" He guessed.

"The style's fine, just make it cooler!" She said, and folded her arms. "It needs to be abooout... twenty percent cooler."

"Alright, sounds great!" Naruto said happily. "You'll help me make it cooler, right?"

"Of course!" Hideaki said happily, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him into the library.

The librarian was an old blonde lady with a gigantic nose, her hair pulled back by a senbon needle. She frowned at Naruto, as if he was something she'd stepped in, something that came out of Hideaki's dogs when she gave them permission to let it out. "What is that HIDEOUS thing doing here?"

"Well, that's rude." Hideaki frowned, all three dogs growling at the librarian. "His name is Daisuke, and he's my Head Dog."

"Only Ninjas and people with Library Cards are allowed in the library." The librarian sneered.

"My dogs are allowed." Hideaki pointed out, folding her arms.

"And I'm a Ninja! Believe it!" Naruto yelled.

"I DON'T believe it." The librarian said.

"BELIEVE IT!" Naruto yelled harder.

"That's right! Naruto here is a Ninja, and as much Ninja as any of my dogs!" Hideaki said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and grinning. "So let us in, because when I get pissed, people get pissed on."

The librarian glared at her, knowing she wasn't bluffing. "You used to be such a nice young girl." She said sadly.

"Yeah, and now I'm a badass Ninja." Hideaki said happily. "Now, we're going in, Naruto needs some new jutsus. Speaking of which, show her your Shadow Clone Jutsu."

"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Naruto yelled, performing the handseal, and twenty Narutos appeared around him.

"Hm, you ARE a Ninja." The librarian said, surprised. "Go ahead."

Hideaki walked quickly to the Restricted Section of the library that was for Ninjas only. "Now, come on, there's something you need to see." She said, Naruto following behind.

They went past a bunch of bookshelves, went through a door, and came to a big locked bank vault door with the Konoha symbol on it, and it would only open when it felt the chakra of a Konoha Ninja. She opened it by touching it and putting her chakra in, and the door hissed steam as it moved out, like a giant cog, and rolled to the side as big red warning lights and ultra loud siren sounds started. The librarian glared at Naruto and pressed a button under the desk, turning off the siren and red lights with a loud click-click.

Naruto and Hideaki entered the room, and Naruto gasped in awe. The walls were covered in bookshelves and scroll holes, and bookshelves and scrollshelves were placed around the room, two big comfy chairs and a high table over in the corner. "It's like... scroll heaven!" Naruto gasped.

"Eeeeyep." Hideaki said happily. "When I was a kid, when I first entered this building, I read whatever the books and scrolls showed me with no regard to who everyone thought I was. Books won't go easy on you just because of who you are. Books will tell you what they'll tell you, they won't stick to the easy weak stuff for weak losers for fear that you messing up will risk their jobs. Books are nice. Books are awesome. That day, when I entered this library, I stopped being Hideaki Nara-Senju-Inuzuka, and became me, Hideaki Senju. I noticed that the others look at you differently, but in a different way than me. What's that all about?"

"Oh. Well, uh... I'm not really supposed to tell anyone unless I really trust them." Naruto admitted.

"Whatever." She grumbled, offended, folding her arms. "That's fine. That doesn't bother me at all. I'm ok. Now let's get those damn scrolls."

"Uh... okay." He said, confused.

"Now, you're short, you're strong... wait, why are you so short? Do you only eat crappy food?"

"No, I eat Ramen. I eat that for most meals."

"Goddamn noodles?" She asked, surprised. "Wow, we have got to get you some better food."

"Blasphemy! Nothing is better than Ramen!" Naruto yelled.

"Bacon." She said smugly.

"Bacon ramen." Naruto countered, even more smug.

"Damn it. You win this round, Naruto!" Hideaki said.

"Woohoo!" Naruto cheered, jumping for joy. "1-1 to me! Yeah!"

"Alright, alright, calm down. Be cool. Cool like ice, or ice water, or... really freaking cold ice water." Hideaki said, and went with Naruto to the Taijutsu scroll section. "You're short, but that'll hopefully change soon. You're strong, and you have a lot of clones... here, try this." She said, taking out a scroll and tossing a scroll to him.

Naruto grabbed the scroll clumsily, almost dropping it. He caught it, relaxed, and started to read it. "Chiyodo?" He asked, surprised. "Way of the Thousand Worlds?"

"Yeah, it's a fighting style designed for Clone users like you. And it's cool! You're strong and unpredictable, which fits it perfectly. I would suggest some of my styles, since you and I are unpredictable as hell, but you aren't really acrobatic enough for them." She admitted. "But some day, you might be. Which reminds me, you need to get some training weights, they strap onto the arms and legs and they make you heavier but way stronger, and you can take them off and become super fast when you do. I'm wearing 120 pound weights on my arms under my jacket, and 250 pound weights on my legs, inside my boots."

"Woah, that's a lot!" Naruto gasped.

"Yeah, they get heavier when chakra is charged into them, and stay that heavy until you change their weight. Every few days when I get used to them, I make them a bit heavier. And they're not that heavy. One of my Inuzuka Aunt's friends, Might Guy, he and his favourite student wear weights so heavy, they crater the ground when you drop them." She admitted. "I want to be like that guy, I want to be able to say I earned the powers I use. Also, they're so passionate and cool... I bet they'd make awesome Icha Icha protagonists. I wonder if they'd do that stuff together... Maybe I could write that..." She said, and grinned and got a huge nosebleed.

"Anyway... uh... is this everything?" Naruto asked, concerned for her health because girls didn't get nosebleeds, only pervy men did, according to what he was told.

"No, you also need some more Jutsu. Hold still." Hideaki said, nosebleed disappearing as she woke up from a dream, and she gently grabbed his right arm, holding it up and grabbing his forearm with her other arm, draining just a little of his chakra. She let go, amazed. "Wow, you have got some really good chakra! Primary Wind and Secondary Lightning elements, too. Come on, you need to learn some Jutsu, and with those Shadow Clones of yours, you can learn stuff super quick. Whenever a clone pops, you get its memories, right? My tutor taught me about all the forbidden jutsu, but he wouldn't teach me any until I become a high-level Chunin. When I told him I could kick the butt of any high level Chunin, he said he meant when I'd actually passed the Chunin Exams and won the tournament."

She ran over to the wind Jutsu scroll section, and he followed uncertainly but excitedly.

"Woah, what's this?" Naruto asked, picking up a scroll for Wind Style: Great Breach.

"A jutsu scroll. Just pick up anything that looks cool." She said, leading him through the scrolls.

"Wait, how could you tell I had wind and lightning chakra?" Naruto asked.

"Can you keep a secret?" She asked.

"Yeah, I think I can." Naruto said flatly.

"Good, because by order of the Third Hokage, this is an A-Rank secret." Hideaki said, and tapped the floor with her foot, her three dogs jumping down and looking up, watching.

"Ha! My secret is an S-Rank." Naruto bragged.

She ignored him and carefully undid the straps for her shoulderpads and sword hilt, putting it on the floor gently. She then unzipped her white jacket and took it off, and took her black T-shirt with chain mesh armour off over her head, and she turned around, revealing two things. One, she was fit and ripped as hell, and her shoulderblades could probably have someone's eye out. He blushed, because a girl had never done that in front of him before. Two, she was wearing black bandages around her chest. And three, when she charged chakra into her back, a big complex blue seal started to glow right on her lower back.

"Woah." He gasped.

"That's right." She said, grinning.

"You've got more muscles than me!" He said.

She fell over. "Naruto, that's not what I'm showing you! Look at the seal!" She said, getting up and making her back seal glow again. "I call it the Hideaki Seal of Brilliance and Awesomeness. I made it, and it lets me convert my chakra into whatever I want. It's like having all the nature releases, but not quite. It takes a lot of chakra to use, but I don't mind, since I have a ton anyway. It also lets me absorb and sense chakra. It also protects my chakra coils, meaning Uchiha can't copy my jutsus and Hyuga can't mess with my chakra points."

"Cool! Are you a seal master?" He asked, amazed.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call myself a master, but I totally am one." She said, grinning as her dogs used the Transformation Jutsu and turned into what looked like cute human guys in white Inuzuka jackets and black skinnyjeans with cute fangs and hairstyles similar to the furstyles they had in dog form, and they put her clothes and shoulderpads and sheathe back on her quickly and turned back into dogs. "Gooood boys!" She said, reaching down to stroke and hug them all.

"So, uh... I've got a bunch of Wind Jutsu, and that slightly bigger Taijutsu scroll. Do I take them home now?" Naruto asked.

"Sure, when we're done. But we're not." Hideaki said, suddenly becoming serious. "I sensed something else when I sampled your sweet, sweet chakra. In the delicious sea of blue sea-salt icing, I detected a hint of red spice."

"Oh, uh... I can't really say, but it involves..."

"The nine-tailed fox?" She asked flatly.

"How do you know?!" Naruto gasped.

"Wait, it really IS the nine-tailed fox?!" She asked, surprised. "I just guessed that, since I overheard some kids whispering that their parents told them to stay away from the demon brat. Which is clearly you for some stupid reason. Also, you look just like the Fourth Hokage, who gave his life to kill the fox, even though Tailed Beasts can't be killed for real, everyone who's not an idiot knows that. If they could be killed, the Ninetails would have been killed when the Inuzuka hit it during the attack. Then I see you, sucking at chakra control but having an assload of chakra, dressing in orange, like a fox, having whisker marks, like a fox, being cunning, like a fox, grinning like a fox, like a fox, looking just like your dad, like a boss, and also not just being born around the same time as the Ninetails was beaten but being born on the same DAY as the Ninetails was beaten, and looking just like your dead dad while having the last name of your dead mum, Kushina Uzumaki, the hot-blooded idiot who sucked at everything besides seals and swordplay, and was totally with good old Minato even if the books refuse to go into details or admit that she was uber pregnant and that's why the records show the weird sudden gap despite her badassness. And the Uzumaki just happen to be part of the Land of Whirlpools, who used to be allied with this village, then they disappeared and the books won't tell me what happened... but seriously. Naruto Namikaze/Uzumaki, it's not really that hard to figure it out. You're either the Ninetails reborn, or you had it sealed inside you. So, what is it?"

"Uh..." Naruto said, shocked and stunned. "S-sealed."

"Good, because if you were the Ninetails reborn, I'd kick its ass. A lot of clansmen were lost when the Ninetails attacked." She admitted. "None of my clans, but still, Konoha ninjas. And I like Konoha, at least a little."

Naruto stared at her, still shocked. "I didn't know, but for years, they knew... all the adults who ever mistreated me knew... and one night, I find it all out when someone tells me... and now you just tell me you figured it out on the spot?"

"Yeah, I know, I'm a genius. A real one." She said happily, and her dogs leapt up onto her shoulderpads and head. "Honestly, the real shocker is that nobody else figured it out. Is there some secret thing where anyone with half a brain is kidnapped and trained and used for some super secret shadowy Black ops stuff? Why was I not invited to the Black ops group? Was it because I'm Hideaki freaking Senju and people would notice if I disappeared?"

Naruto still looked mad.

"You know, since both your parents were in clans, you'll get a whole lot of inheritance when you reveal this to the Hokage. I bet your clan house will be awesome. Plus, you'll have servants and fangirls and enough money to have all the ramen you could ever want.

That cheered him up. "All the ramen? Ever?"

"Yeah. And I'll speak to the Hokage about getting you some Ninja nutrition bars, so eating them will let you get away with eating only ramen. Also, want to prank someone later?" She offered. "I know this librarian has a bucket of glitter and dog pee with her name on it, but who else is on our prank list? Our prank... prank paragraph. Paragraph of people we prank. P3."

"I like the P3 name. Don't those dogs ever run out? And are you really gonna prank people with me?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"Sure! I love pranks, they're funny, and good trapmaking practice." She said happily. "And of course my dogs don't run out, they're Inuzuka Ninja Dogs, they're bred and trained for it. Each one could fill a bathtub and a hundred buckets before running out of chakra and liquids."

"Your dogs can use chakra?" Naruto asked, surprised.

"Well duh! Are you loco in the cocoa? They're Ninja Dogs, of course they can do Ninjutsu. Anyway, let me look at your seal. I showed you mine, now you show me yours." She said, and her dogs barked proudly.

He giggled and unzipped his jacket, pulling up his shirt, and he showed her the seal on his chest that kept the Nine-Tailed Fox inside his body.

"Damn. Not gonna lie, that's actually really good." She said, inspecting it closely. "Buuuuuut it could be better."

He gasped as she hit her chakra-filled palm onto his seal, changing it. He stumbled back, surprised, and then he passed out, and she caught him just in time as everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

AN/ A reviewer said my character is a Mary Sue. I ran her through the test and she's not. If she was, she'd be part vampire and there'd be purple sparkles around her and she'd be super pretty instead of badass, and everyone would love her instead of thinking she's a mean pretentious showoffy jerkface. And she'd have Rinnegan, and she wouldn't doubt that she can be herself when she has so much that isn't really hers. And she does have flaws, we just haven't seen most of them yet because the story has just started and she has yet to make mistakes, including the one super big one. Also, don't be silly, other reviewer, Naruto has no Dojutsu, Hideaki's the one with that. But I refuse to spoil anything, especially how there are Titans inside the walls and ErenxMikasa ErenxLevi and the ending of LOST was not worth the time spent watching it. On with the story!

Darkness.

Naruto trudged on through darkness.

Splashing... there was water on the ground.

His surroundings were getting brighter... was this some kind of sewer?

He realised that he was still walking, heading straight for a dark entryway into a big room. Unwilling to turn back and with no better ideas anyway, he let himself walk in.

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and fractal patterns of green painted themselves onto the golden walls. Trees grew out of the ground, as did grass, and the wooden-looking cage became a metal cage. The room got bigger, as the ceiling faded and became a clear blue sky with only the occasional white puffy cloud.

"WHAAAAAAT" The Kyubi yelled, thrashing itself against its bars.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID" He yelled, and spun around and hit the bars with his tail.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOU" He spun again and gnawed on the bars like a wild beast.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!" The Kyubi asked calmly.

"Hideaki did it!" Naruto yelled quickly, scared, but then he regathered his courage and stood upright. "And I'm glad she did it! This place looks beautiful!"

The Kyubi screamed in rage and lashed its tails and gnawed on the bars before finally calming down. "I suppose it is nicer." He growled. "Even if this accursed seal is draining more of my chakra and binding it with you."

"Uh... is that good?" Naruto asked uncertainly.

"If you don't mind looking different, then sure." The Kyubi said nastily. "This new rate of chakra will change your body, your organs... I'd be amazed if it didn't also change your mind."

"Change it about what?" Naruto asked, cutely clueless.

The Kyubi laughed evilly. "That's right. You don't know how the mind works, do you?"

"Not really." He shrugged. Anatomy and advanced healing stuff wasn't covered by the Academy, even though it probably should.

"Gwaaahahahahahaha!" The Kyubi roared. "Well, it looks like your luck is about to change."

A large white spike of metal appeared and stabbed the Kyubi in the back, causing him to roar furiously as red chakra was blasted out around the wound, and the chakra seeped through the cage and grabbed Naruto before he could even move a foot.

Naruto screamed as the red chakra enveloped him, gaining a white hue.

The chakra grew around him like a giant red shell, and hardened into a shiny red sphere.

It stood there, large and unmoving.

It was like a big crimson egg, laid by a giant red bird that laid perfectly spherical shiny red eggs, whose yolks would probably taste delicious.

And then it shattered outwards, revealing the new Naruto, who watched as the shards of red glass converged in front of him and became a mirror that showed him his new self.

He was taller, and appeared to have suddenly gained a few years, looking 14-15ish, and he'd gotten a lot more muscular. He had the same yellow hairstyle, but it spiked upwards a bit and rested upon a bed of bright red longer hair spikes that framed his neck and back. His whisker marks stayed the same, because you couldn't enhance perfection. His orange jacket had become sleeveless and turned into a flak jacket, and it was unzipped, revealing a red undershirt, and his orange pants had turned a dark grey with thin gold stripes running down the sides, and his blue crocs had turned into black loafers, which were way cooler and also more comfortable. Which was weird, since almost everyone he knew wore crocs. He'd thought they were super comfortable, but these were way better and also cooler looking, and though he wasn't expecting it, he gained cool points for wearing these and wearing something that wasn't crocs.

"Woah..." Naruto said, shocked, and when he opened his mouth, he noticed that his canine teeth had gotten longer. Not super long like Kiba's, more foxlike than doglike. "I look awesome! I don't feel any different, but I look awesome!"

The leftover red chakra converged at his right side, turning into a large blood-red six-foot double-edged sword with a straight edge and serrated edge both lined with gold. The hilt had a circular handle guard, and five small metal loops of a chain connected the back of it to a small orange piece of metal, which looked like a sihlouette of the Ninetails sitting down, its nine tails spreading out behind him, ears pointed up.

And then the iron bars holding the Kyubi back shattered and melted away, and so did the white metal spike that had struck the Fox.

"Not awesome." Naruto said, scared.

The Nine-Tailed Fox laughed, reared up like a horse, stretched its arms and body after being cooped up for so long, and then he pounced at Naruto, who held his blade out in front of him, scared.

A red wall appeared, and the Kyubi hit it face-first. And then a big white metal spike hit him in the back again, causing him to scream.

Words appeared in front of Naruto, gold words on a black scroll, and it said the words aloud in a loud and extremely manly voice as he read it. "This is your world. This is your mind. You are the boss here, you're in charge, and the Kyubi is your prisoner."

"Really?" Naruto asked, surprised.

"Yes. You could even destroy him and absorb his powers fully if you wanted." The scroll responded. "He would be no more, for his very essence would be stripped away and used to give more power to you. And so, he would never exist again, for though that which is downed may rise once more, that which is not can never again be."

"Wait, WAIT, WAAAIIIT!" The Kyubi said, terrified of the idea of actually permanently dying. The wall in his way melted, the white metal spike moved away, and restraints appeared to bind him to the ground, forcing him to kneel at Naruto's feet. Naruto wasn't sure how much of this was him and how much of it was the seal, but he kinda liked someone showing him respect for a change, even if he was being forced to do it.

"What is it?" Naruto asked, folding his arms.

"Please!" The Nine-Tailed Kyubi begged. "Don't let this seal kill me! I-I've lived for centuries, I can tell you things no mortal can! I can teach you the Jutsu known only to Tailed Beasts, I could give you the Fox Scroll, I could grant you all the power you want, and all the gold and fame and mortal women in the world! I've learned Ninjutsu and Genjutsu, I've even learned Taijutsu from watching my old hosts spar!"

"Really?" Naruto asked skeptically.

"Yes. Half of my power was sealed within you, Naruto, and the other half was sealed in the Shinigami's stomach with your father. If you let me, I can take you to the spirit world, and you can fight him and get all of my power!"

"And my dad?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, you can fight him too once you save him, but more importantly, POWER!" The Kyubi said. "Please... don't kill me. I have two children!"

"...What?" Naruto asked, surprised.

"I'm a girl." The Kyubi pointed out. "My name is Kairi."

"No way!" Naruto said, amazed. "You can't be a girl! If you did, you'd have a big pink bow in your hair or something."

There was a long and quiet awkward silence.

"...If I could move my paws, I would facepaw." Kairi said, closing her eyes and sighing.

"Tailed Beasts can facepalm?" Naruto asked, amazed.

"Tailed Beasts INVENTED the facepaw!" Kairi bellowed loudly. "In the days when we lived alongside humanity and everyone had their own beast or summon, whenever we saw something incredibly stupid, so stupid it'd make us fall down, we assumed it was a distraction and refused to fall, and then we covered our faces. Have you ever heard the expression, 'Beware the fool, for he fools all?' Fools are a dangerous breed of Ninja, due to their unpredictability."

"Woah." Naruto said.

And then Kairi the Kyubi glowed red, and ahe started to shrink, and the restraints shrunk with her.

The fox monster transformed, becoming a woman in her late thirties with whisker marks like his, sunny orange eyes, and dark red hair pulled into a long ponytail that naturally split into nine spikes of hair, and she had pointy fox ears. She wore a loose crimson kimono tied with a white haramaki, which was the word for sword belt, and a cool black katana was held by it. She had a black katana holstered at her waist, a 72DDDDD chest held by a black bra, and all in all, she looked like she could be his mother, even though she wasn't, he could tell. Not just because he knew it was the Kyubi, but also because her aura felt red and foxish instead of the kind and different way he imagined his mom's would be.

"Hello, Naruto." Kairi the Kyubi said.

"Woah!" Naruto said, jaw dropping. "You're even prettier than Sakura!"

"Who isn't?" Kairi asked, and she and the scroll laughed, displaying a golden HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

"So... are you going to teach me new Jutsu?" Naruto asked. "Because I should probably just learn the main stuff and then get back, since Hideaki is teaching me stuff, too."

"Good, it's about time some of these damn Leaf Ninja treated you right." Kairi said. "But don't worry, everything in here moves at the speed of thought, so we can do whatever you'd like and it'd take less than a second of real time."

She bent over forwards when she said "Whatever you'd like", and he blushed.

"What's the matter, Naruto-Kun?" Kairi asked, stepping forwards and pressing her chest up against his. "There are many ways I could prove my worth to you."

Naruto blushed harder, and stammered. "I-I-I... um... uh... But... isn't there a Daddy Kyubi somewhere out there?"

"No, Tailed Beasts reproduce like splitting cells" She said, kissing his cheek and whispering right into his ear. "Anything we do... is just for fun."

Naruto immediately figured out what she was doing. She was messing with him! He made the handseal for the Transformation Jutsu, and transformed into a really hot girl with blonde ponytails. "Two can play at this game!" Naruko said, pressing hisher chest into her opponent's.

They pressed harder and harder, getting closer and closer until Kairi suddenly kissed Naruko right on the mouth, much to hisher shock.

Heshe stepped back, spluttering in shock, transforming back into himself. "What the hell?!" He asked.

"What?" Kairi asked, pulling off the innocent but cute look really well.

"What the hell was that?!" Naruto gasped. "I thought that only happens in those Icha Icha books!"

"What? I do what I want." Kairi shrugged, and folded her arms. "But I don't mind if you want to try out transformation tricks. I've never been with a human before, and I can't wait to see how you do. Now, where were we?"

"You were about to teach me a bunch of cool jutsu, but then you got all... weird." Naruto said. "Wait... I'm starting to like it. Is this part of the seal?"

"It's part of you, Naruto, and for the love of Ninja God, please ask someone else to give you The Talk." Kairi said, facepalming.

"The... what?" Naruto asked.

"Hey, wanna learn how to swordfight?" She offered quickly. "If we're going to fight the Shinigami and get your dad back, and get my power back, you'll have to be in top fighting condition."

"Yeah!" He said happily.

A flash of red light spread out in a long beam in his hand, and Naruto's red and gold sword appeared in his hands. "Woah, cool! It does that now?"

"That's not all it does." She said knowingly, and then summoned her own identical copy of the sword in her right hand. Even though there was a forgotten black katana at her haramaki swordbelt. "Now, it's time to teach you how to swordfight. Come at me, Naruto!"


	4. Chapter 4

AN/ I want everyone who reviewed to hug themselves, because you're awesome. Even the haters, but they're a little less awesome. They will let me become even better, like when you defeat enemies in Final Fantasy. By the way, it looks like Hideaki is winning in the Pairing Polls! Come on, where are the other pairing fans? I don't hate any ship, except ErenxLevi because Levi is thirty Eren isn't and he kicked Eren and that's terrible.

Also, sorry if I've got anything wrong. I'm at the Forest of Death episodes now, and I look up anything I know I don't know on Narutopedia while trying to avoid spoilers.

Thanks for all your support! Some day, I'll be a writer for real, I'll be more famous than Twilight, and better, and I'll thank all of you in my award-winning speech.

Naruto Uzumaki was clever, but Kairi the Kyubi seemed to be cleverer no matter how clever he got. And she could do the Shadow Clone Jutsu, too, and she could do it better than him.

Actually, nobody could do it better than him, but she could still make a whole lot more clones than him. Stupid made-of-chakra fox demon thing.

But at least she'd tied up and closed the chest part of her kimono properly for the training match. Naruto wasn't sure he needed another distraction, and two big ones would definitely get in his way.

He swung his sword at her head, and she blocked, knocking his sword away and counterattacking by swinging at his chest, not cutting it because she didn't want her sword to cut it, and she knocked him away. "Try again." She said tauntingly.

He ran and tried to stab her, but she hit him in the head with her sword, then hit him again, and then spun to hit him a third time, knocking him away.

He swung harder, and she blocked, and the two stood there, pushing their swords at each other, their twin swords biting into each other and refusing to yield. "You can't beat me with just that." Kairi smirked. "Come on, shift your stance, put more power in. Stop hitting my sword, and hit me!"

She shoved his blade away with a strong push, and he backflipped with his new body's superior agility. He ran at her and thrusted his sword at her chest, and she leapt up, landed on his sword, ran across it and kicked him in the face hard enough to snap his neck back, chin in the air.

He screamed and stumbled back, and she backflipped off his sword and watched as he screamed, until noticing that he wasn't actually dead even though his neck was snapped. "What?" He asked.

"We're inside your mind!" She groaned as if it were obvious. "You can't die inside your own mind! And us thinking about sword fighting is not the same as us sword fighting. And no, your mind won't make any injuries received become real, even the Fourth Hokage isn't dumb enough to design a seal like that, and neither is that Hideaki."

"Hey, don't talk bad about the Fourth Hokage!" Naruto yelled, grabbing his head and snapping it back into place. "And if this isn't real, why does it still hurt so much?"

"Because I want you to learn to not get hurt when fighting!" Kairi yelled. "Now stop trying to hit me, and hit me!"

Their swords clashed again and again, and in three hours, the two stood ten feet from each other, slumped over, both equally tired. "Wow... You're good." Naruto said.

"And now, so are you." Kairi said, dismissing her sword in a flash of crimson light and summoning a scroll. "By the way... now that we're friends, could you let me out?"

"What?! No way!" Naruto yelled.

"Come on! You use this scroll, and my mind lives through the body of whatever Fox you summon. You could even make it a tiny little thing like Kyubey. And I hate Kyubey!"

"Oh. If that's it, then ok, but I'm not just going to summon the real you for little stuff." Naruto said, biting his hand and signing his name on the scroll.

"Don't worry, I'll introduce you to some nice Summons some time." Kairi said happily, and the scroll disappeared in a flash of crimson light. "Now, I think it's time you and that Leaf Ninja girl get started."

"Okay, how do I get out?" Naruto asked.

And then he was back in reality, Hideaki staring at him knowingly. "So, what's old Kyubi like?" She asked.

"He's a she." Naruto said.

"Woah, really?" Hideaki asked, surprised. "Dang. By the way, I love your new look."

"New look?" Naruto asked, confused.

And then he glanced at his reflection in one of the coloured metal parts of the scroll, and gasped in shock. "I look different!"

"Yes, you do." Hideaki said, licking her lips. "You know, if that's how Jinchuriki look when they've got my seal, I should become one myself!"

"What, having a bunch of clan stuff isn't enough?" Naruto laughed.

"It is never enough!" Hideaki yelled, pointing to the sky. "I gained those just for being born, and that isn't enough! I want powers I can say I earned! I want to grow and learn and know and become great! I don't want to just be the kid over there with a bunch of Clan Jutsu, who just happens to have Hideaki as her name, I want to be Hideaki Senju, me! I want to be me, the greatest and smartest and most powerful of all, the heir of Senju, the one who carries on his will and my own!"

"Woah." Naruto said, impressed. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and I'm gonna be Hokage some day!"

"Cool. Some day, I'm gonna make sure Konoha rules the world." Hideaki said.

And there was an awkward silence.

"What?" Naruto asked.


	5. Chapter 5

"Take over the world?!" Naruto gasped.

"Of course!" Hideaki said happily. "The Leaf Village is the best village, Mist are bloodthirsty inhuman animalistic jerks, and that's coming from me, and Stone and Cloud just suck. Sand are kinda lame, but they do have good blacksmiths and a small number of elite badass Ninja, that seems to be their gimmick. But did you know that before I became badass enough to take care of myself, I used to have a constant ANBU guard assigned to me to protect me from how everyone wanted to take me out while they still could, fearing that I'd become too powerful? By the time I was six, over seventy assassination attempts on my life had been foiled, and of these seventy, fourty-three involved assassins that actually reached me and got within viewing distance before getting cut down, sometimes I even got covered in some of their blood."

"No, I... didn't know that." Naruto admitted. That sounded pretty sad.

"But don't worry, I'm not gonna whine about my sad past. Even though there were some super sad bits. Some day, I need to tell you about my eighth birthday party." Hideaki said, getting sad and grabbing her arms while her dogs quickly cuddled up to her and nuzzled her to try and cheer her up. "Oh, sweet Sage of the Six Paths... there was blood everywhere..."

"Oh. Uh... I'm sorry." Naruto said sadly.

"Chill, it's ok." Hideaki said, sadly forcing a smile. "The Litany of... Collary... Thingy... says that admitting a sad thing doesn't make it any sadder. Or something. So I'm not gonna lie, it is pretty sad, but I'm not gonna roll about in sadness or anything. If I do that, They win. This cruel, crappy world I need to fix, and everyone who benefits from its awfulness. Anyway, come on, scroll time!"

Hideaki ran back to the librarian, Naruto following closely with hands full of scrolls. "In the name of Hideaki Senju-Sama, we're borrowing all of these scrolls." Hideaki said.

The librarian glared, but she wasn't allowed to argue when she said that. Still, she was only allowed to say it once a day. The Librarian got out her big book and wrote down what scrolls had been taken, and Hideaki and Naruto went to Training Ground Six, a wide open grassy field perfect for ball games and simulating tournament conditions. It was her favourite training ground, and as soon as they got there, Hideaki performed fourty handseals and used a timespace Jutsu that made a big blue cube spread out and cover the field, letting them get hours of training done in minutes and pack months of training into a few days. It wasn't as good as the legendary Hyperbolic Time Chamber from the stories of old, she wasn't that powerful just yet.

Naruto made one hundred and twenty Shadow Clones and had them begin practicing Wind Jutsu, while Hideaki began a four-hour set of physical exercises, then four hours of chakra exercises, then four more of physical exercises, with no breaks. And then she had a short break where she ate four cereal bars and two energy bars, and then she downed a two liter bottle of milk like an athlete downing a water bottle after a marathon, and she'd taken all of these from sealing scrolls held in her jacket. When she was done with her sudden meal, her head-dog Daisuke hopped down and performed the Advanced Transformation Jutsu and became a cute fuzzy-white-haired boyband-looking guy in a furred Inuzuka jacket and black skinnyjeans while her shoulder dogs hopped off and watched at a safe distance while Hideaki and Daisuke sparred. Hard. If you were watching, it'd look like they were practically trying to kill each other with upper Jonin-level Taijutsu skill and mid Chunin-level strength, but to them, this was a medium spar. Naruto, on the other hand, continued his Shadow Clone training, sparring with each other and practicing their Taijutsu skills while practicing moves taken from the Taijutsu Scroll, while Jirou and Ayako, Hideaki's shoulder dogs, began to exercise.

After two hours, she knocked down Daisuke, straddled his chest, and drew back her fist for what would be a brutal knockout facepunch. "I win." She said, getting up and helping Daisuke up. They bowed, and then she began to intensely spar with a suddenly-human Jirou as Daisuke and Ayako started sets of exercises.

And when they were done, Hideaki spinkicking him in the knee hard enough to break it and send him transforming back into an unharmed Jirou, it was time for Hideaki's battle with Ayako, who decided to turn into a hot and lithe girl this time instead of a boy. Ayako was actually female and the fastest of the lot, but she didn't care what her owner wanted her to shapeshift into, that appearance stuff was all too silly for her to care about beyond "Master wants me to turn into this, so I will". Hideaki began the hardest spar yet, both exhausted and fighting a fast opponent.

By the time they were all done, Hideaki backflip-kicking her in the chin hard enough to knock her up into the air and landing quick enough to land on her feet and send a hard leaping punch into the dog-girl's gut, ending the fight and sending her back bouncing along the ground before she hit the side of her spacetime jutsu barrier and bounced off. Ayako turned back into her dog form, unharmed, and yipped happily to show that she was okay and she enjoyed playing her owner's favourite game, Sparring. Because it was just a game, it wasn't real fighting.

When it was finally done, and Naruto and Hideaki were finally exhausted, it was night-time, with a pitch-black starry sky.

She sighed, sitting down and lying on her back, her muscles aching in a good way as Naruto lied down on the grass far away. Her dogs had been fighting harder than usual, and so was she. She wondered why... were her dogs trying to impress the newcomer, Naruto? That was pretty nice of them. And she enjoyed it, anyway.

"Woah... I can't believe we lasted that long!" Naruto said.

Jirou grinned and laughed in a weird dog way, because he was a dog.

Hideaki pointedly ignored him. "It's your new body, it must be stronger. That's good." She said happily.

Man, she loved the way it felt after a good workout. She decided everyone should be forced to work out until they felt this good, everyone should feel this good, and this would be something she did when she or someone who'd listen to her would become Hokage.

Plus, working out made you fitter, and for a Ninja, this was good. Because nonfit people would get eaten alive, sometimes literally.

Hideaki got out bacon sandwiches and a watermelon and more milk and ate it all, and then she got up, and stretched, and then started doing stretches and very advanced yoga exercises. Naruto tried it out, but couldn't do most of it, so she told him to carry on with the Taijutsu exercises and look up beginner yoga at the library later.

Naruto just noticed that he was hungry. After many hours of training. His new body was weird. "I'm hungry." He said.

"Hi, hungry, I'm Hideaki." Hideaki said with a grin.

"No, I mean, can we go get something to eat? I didn't bring anything." Naruto admitted sheepishly.

"Here." Hideaki said, reaching into the pockets of her jacket and getting out a scroll, and taking out a fat stack of 100 Ryo notes bound by an elastic band, 20,000 Ryo in total. "Enjoy."

"Woah, are you serious?!" Naruto gasped, holding it like it was a sacred artefact from millennia past. "This is more money than I spend on food in a month!"

"What?!" She asked, surprised. "Do you eat nothing but Ramen every day or something?"

"Usually, yeah." He admitted. "Most shops and stuff overcharge me or sell me crappy stuff or spit in my food, but the best Ramen place ever doesn't!"

"That's it, I'm talking to the Hokage, I'm getting you your own personal chef." Hideaki decided. "Now, go get yourself some great food, tell anyone who questions you that Hideaki Senju-Sama gave you the money, and keep the change. Anyone gets in your way, tell them what I told the library, and... in fact... Jirou?"

Jirou barked happily.

"Go with Naruto, make sure he eats well, and don't let anyone mess with him." Hideaki said, and he yipped in agreement and stood at attention next to him. "Tonight, come back to me, ok?"

Jirou yipped again.

"Your dogs understand you?" Naruto asked, remembering those kid's stories with talking dogs.

"Well, duh! They're Ninja Dogs. They can read and count, too. The oldest and best-trained ones will even use chakra to talk to you, but mine aren't there yet." Hideaki admitted. "But some day, they will be."

"Cool. But... you can understand them?"

"Yeah, I'm an Inuzuka. And my dogs are my best friends. Animals are easier to read than people. Except when we're drunk. When we're drunk, even the tweets don't make sense any more." She admitted. "Now go eat, you'll probably need to eat a lot since you just had your first workout with your awesome new body."

Hideaki undid the space-time Jutsu, and barely an hour had passed. "The ANBU watching me think I'mreally fast but lazy and I only exercise for a few minutes at a time. Ha! Being a Nara doesn't make me instantly super lazy, it just makes me enjoy getting to rest. And maybe some day when I'm really old, like, thirty, I'll retire and sit on a golden throne controlling my own ANBU division, playing with my dogs and friends and family forever."

"That does sound nice. Anyway, gotta go!" Naruto said happily, running to the Ramen stand. "Bye!"

"Bye! I'll keep on exercising here, then I'll go home." Hideaki called out.

She relaxed back on the ground, her dogs beside her.

Ayako happily yipped three times.

"Get real." Hideaki laughed.

Ayako yipped louder.

"Do not!" She protested. "I just feel bad for him, and now I'm helping him because I want a badass rival."

Ayako laughed.

And then Daisuke barked happily.

"Not you, too!" She laughed.

Daisuke howled.

"...Maybe." Hideaki said with a blush. "But conquering the world comes first, ok?"

Daisuke and Ayako laughed, and then snuggled up to her, curling up on either arm and napping. They were nice and warm, and she smiled. "You two really are dogs, you know that?" She laughed.


	6. Chapter 6

0 hideaki 6

It had been a few months since Naruto and Hideaki had met, and they got on like a house on fire.

An apt metaphor, considering how bad some pranks around the village became. Nothing burned, but bit by bit, bad people who were mean to Naruto found themselves pranked. Some had their milk bottles urinated in, or their newspapers or best clothes met similar fates. Others had their library books, keys, wallets, and other such important things go missing only to find themselves in the pockets of worse people. And anyone who dared hurt their children or partners simply... disappeared, though Hideaki handled these ones in secret, sealing them and leaving them forever conscious yet immobile in a fate worse than death, a living tombstone, and then they went into a sealing scroll to never be heard from again. Gradually, Konoha became a better place to live in, if only because the worse people started to figure out that bad things happened to bad people. But it didn't feel like the pranks of one person, it felt more like a force of nature punishing them.

They called it Karma.

When Naruto told Hideaki of this, while in her timespace Jutsu and unobservable by the outside world, she decided that was an acceptable name for her badass masked alter ego, if she ever made one.

Regardless, Ninja Academy was great. There wasn't long left to go, and when Hideaki asked Naruto where in the name of the Sage's sweet ass he learned Shadow Clone Jutsu, he mentioned how with ANBU guarding Hideaki so much, it only seemed natural to send someone to guard Naruto. Kakashi literally drew the short straw, he usually arrived late, and he usually only arrived for the moment it'd take to watch him for a few seconds, leave two Shadow Clones behind to hide and watch him, and go do whatever it was the lazy loser did.

Once, after seeing the handseals, Naruto tried it himself, overloading it with chakra due to having no idea what precise amounts of chakra should be put in. And so, he ended up standing in his apartment, which suddenly filled with over fifty loud and confused Naruto Clones, the noise of which caused the other tenants to furiously yell expetives at him. The Naruto Army, which each Naruto guessed he'd summoned into being accidentally due to how Kakashi sometimes just left behind a summoned Ninja Dog instead of the Shadow Clones and was therefore an Ultimate Summoning Master and Badass Jonin Who Can Do Anything, furiously yelled that they no longer had to take that because Naruto could now become the Hokage of the Hidden Naruto Village in the Land of Naruto. The Landlord and all the other tenants came up to kick his ass in true angry mob tradition, only to be overwhelmed and beaten up by Narutos. Finally, when the landlord and the building's other tenants were downed, the real Kakashi finally arrived, the Kakashi Shadow Clones having punched each other in the face at the same time to send their memories back to him.

Kakashi had explained to Naruto that he had a bloodline limit that gave him a crazy huge amount of chakra but a terrible control of it, and that was why he could use the Shadow Clone Jutsu so well, and use it even better than him. The tenants and Landlord had been arrested for attempted child abuse, attempted murder(some of them had knives in hand), and assaulting a Leaf Ninja. Naruto's building had remained empty besides him to this day, its Landlord replaced by a Deep Cover and Taijutsu Specialist ANBU agent who was all too happy to stop the awful missions he'd been undertaking recently while still being able to look after Konoha and do something important.

Hideaki said that this story was awesome, and if she was there, she would have killed all those jerks for him. Naruto had said thanks, a bit uncertain about how he should feel about that, but there was no reason to be too extreme.

Hideaki then seized him by the shoulders and DEMANDED to know if anyone ever dared hurt him. Naruto nervously said ok, and listed a few names, and promised to tell her if anything bad happened.

Anyway... today, it was the last day when Naruto was going to the Ninja Academy, the last day before he and his friends were put into teams and put on missions for the good of humanity and for the good of the Leaf.

Sasuke had stepped up his training considerably, though he still couldn't keep up with Naruto or Hideaki. Still, the three of them had enough skill to graduate early, but the Ninja Council had said they didn't want a repeat of Itachi, who had been allowed to graduate early and have extra special super training and tutoring handed to him for being an Uchiha so he could get into ANBU at a record-breakingly low age. The Civilian Council, who freaking loved Sasuke just like most of their many lame daughters, had insisted that this means nobody else ever gets to graduate earlier.

Still, Naruto didn't mind, since the teachers were now more afraid of himself and Hideaki(But mostly her. Scariness was an art, and she had a lot more practice) than they hated the Kyuubi, meaning they were willing to train him properly for his final year rather than try to sabotage him any more and risk getting fired or Disappeared or worse by Hideaki. The Third Hokage may not have been able to show favouritism towards the boy without getting in trouble, but Hideaki Senju did what she wanted just like the others with political power did what they wanted. Some day, this might get her hurt, but not today.

Naruto happily entered the building, went to his classroom, and sat down away from Sasuke, sitting in a reserved seat next to Hideaki at the front, and waited for Iruka to enter, doing his best to ignore the adoring stares of the NUbreeds behind him.

When Naruto's new appearance had been revealed, a small cell of fangirls splintered off the main Sasuke Uchiha Fanclub and formed the Naruto Uzumaki fanclub. Its symbol? An orange rose with a crimson stem on a blue tower shield with crimson lining. Yes, Ino said in a condescending tone whenever anyone asked the village's best flower expert for confirmation, orange roses existed, as did white ones and purple ones and red ones, and any self-respecting girl who didn't know this seriously needed to step up their flower game. This contrasted with the official symbol of the Sasuke Uchiha fanclub, whose symbol was a red three-tomoe Uchiha eye filling the loop at the end of a long black kunai stained at the tip with crimson blood, the stain resembling a cartoonish love heart. When the two fangirl clubs had met, each escalated their insanity by sewing patches of their symbol onto their shirts, right over their hearts, forming long songs about their chosen love and singing them loudly every day, having loud shouting contests on whose crush was better (Contests that invariably degenerated into attacking each other's character, calling the Naruto fans shallow idiotic ADHD flakes who followed the crowd and chased the prettiest flowers like butterflies and didn't know what true love was, while they called the Sasuke fans golddigging pathetic loser-loving emos with blood fetishes who probably bit their hands and wrists to break out of Genjutsus and they liked crappy music), aggressively admiring their love from afar in stalker crowds but refusing to let Naruto just turn around and nicely talk to them because that wasn't how fangirlery worked, quietly whispering insults about Hideaki where she definitely wasn't paying attention (They called her a skank, even though she was not a skank, but they made sure nobody in either group ever said her name more than twice per day per person, for fear that if they said her name three times, she'd appear suddenly and start kicking asses like how legend said Madara Uchiha was supposed to appear and steal your soul if you said his name three times in front of a mirror in a dark room) and in every breaktime, the SUffires (Sasuke Uchiha Fanclub) and NUwbreeds (Naruto Uzumaki Fanclub) would have an imitation of an all-out war between them, screaming and charging each other head on and catfighting weakly, whenever one of them didn't try and fail to get clever by jumping down from a tree with kunai in hand only to bellyflop onto the ground like a loser.

Naruto ignored the girls behind him as they screamed about how much they loved him and each one loved him more than the other because they said so. He... wasn't sure how to feel about that, to be honest. If he tried to approach one and talk to them, they got mad and told him to stop "Doing it wrong", as if this were some weird roleplaying exercise and he was annoyingly breaking character by showing any more kindness or basic human decency to his fangirls than the occasional nod and bright smile. He had expected the fangirls to want him to do tiny mini-smiles, but no, his big smiles were something they liked about him, saying it was bright and sunny and different from Sasuke and therefore cooler.

The SUffires, not wanting to be left out of the noise contest, started screaming their love for Sasuke, harder and louder. And every human in the room with ears hated those fangirls for it, and only when Hideaki stand up did they all suddenly shut up.

"Better." Hideaki said, sitting back down.

Iruka finally showed up, and was holding a stack of papers. He began to read out the teams and the names of everyone in these teams, and at the end...

Something happened that nobody was expecting.


	7. Chapter 7

AN/ Someone said this story should be rated M because it'll eventually have a harem in it. Lol, no. It'll only be M if it goes lemon. Love comes in many shapes and sizes, and not everyone should have to settle for one lover just because an old guidebook said so. As for some of the stuff Hideaki says, she's not evil, she just thinks differently to other people. More on that later.

Earlier That Day

Hideaki, wearing grey pyjamas, happily bounced out of her large bed in the Nara Clan compound, ran to the grey blackout curtains, and flung them aside, feeling the light of day warm her and the traditional Konoha room. She quickly changed into a fresh copy of her usual outfit, her dogs waking up as if on cue, and as she felt better than she had in days, she went to a large writing desk, she sat down, and she got out a bunch of scrolls she'd gotten from the library ahead of time.

And as she opened up the first scroll and began reading it, she started to sing to herself.

"So much left to know

So much time to grow

So many mysteries to uncover

Wishing for just one more to discover

Even though other stupider souls,

Seem bored with books and scrolls,

It fills my heart to expand my mind,

Finding things I never knew I could find

And I have so far to go...

And there's so much left to know..."

She finished reading and memorizing the scroll, and rolled it back up, leaving it there as she left her room and ran outside, gazing upon the bright vibrant wonder that was the world.

"So much beauty to be found

Every precious sight and sound

You can learn so much from the pages of a book

But never forget to get out and look"

Her Sharingan flickered on, revealing their three-tomoe state.

"With your own two wondering eyes

At the sea, the fields, the skies"

She turned off her Sharingan, closed her eyes, and smiled.

"With friends by my side, I know I'll be on my way

To discovering something new every single day

All together we will grow

For there's so much left to know

To know..."

Her singing changed as she thought of Naruto, of Kiba, of Shikamaru, of all the people she called friend, and how tomorrow, she would truly become a Ninja.

"I can feel inside, all my dreams coming true

I know that this is what I'm meant to do

To share what I learn, and conquer all the land

I intend to complete what my old man began

He told me once, a long time ago

To follow my heart and continue to grow

To seek truth every day with my very best friends

Then wake up tomorrow and begin again...

I can't wait to begin again..."

She stretched out her arms, and the song grew sadder.

"There's so little that I know...

And I know I still need to grow...

The task I humbly and happily accept

Is to pass it all on, so other Ninjas won't forget"

The song got happier.

"The magic we all shared

And how much we learn to care

The joy of learning and laughing together

I know our time won't last forever

So I'll stop and take it slow...

...for there's so much left to know.

I can wait a little longer to grow...

For there's so much left...

To know."

And she entered the Ninja Academy, happy, optimistic, and looking forwards to the future, unaware of what would happen today.

Song: So Much Left To Know - Mandopony.


	8. Chapter 8

What an amazing first season! From now on, inagine the opening theme before each episode changing. I'd like to thank all my followers and fans, and I'd also like to thank all the haters, too. You help me to get better, like in Dragon Quest when you kill Slimes with Falcon Slash and gain EXP.

To celebrate, let's have an Omake Special! (Air horns play)

I said, an Omake Special! (more air horns)

OMAAAKEEE SPEECIAAALLL! (Air horns explode)

Bright Spark used her telekinesis to snatch the box of air horns away from Naruto and Hideaki. "On with the show!" She yelled happily.

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and fractal patterns of green painted themselves onto the golden walls. Trees grew out of the ground, as did grass, and the wooden-looking cage became a metal cage. The room got bigger, as the ceiling faded and became a clear blue sky with only the occasional white puffy cloud.

"DID YOOOOUUU" The Kyubi yelled, thrashing against its bars.

"PUT YOUR NAAAAAME" He yelled, and spun around and hit the bars with his tail.

"IN THE GOBLET" He spun again and gnawed on the bars like a wild beast.

"OF FIIIIYAAAAH?!" The Kyubi asked calmly.

000

"Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki!" Naruto yelled at the camera. "Are you having problems with stains?"

"How about stains on existence?" Hideaki offered.

"Now THOSE are tough to get rid of!" Naruto said, gathering chakra in his hands. "That's why I use Rasengan, the strongest Jutsu ever, a creation of the Fourth Hokage himself!"

"That's right, this baby slices, it dices, and it SPITS on your julienne fries, because it's RASENGAN!" Hideaki said cheerfully.

A large felt puppet made to look like the Colossal Titan was thrown at Naruto, who shredded it with his Rasengan.

"WOW!" Naruto gasped.

"AMAZING!" Hideaki yelled.

And then the two yelled out, "RASENGAAAAN! IN STORES NOW!" as the advertisement finished.

000

"This does not work! This does not work!" SupposedlySmart!Harry Potter squealed like a stabbed pig as he saw Quidditch, and magic, and everything else in his magic world. He then started to cry, but not before killing unkillable dementors with his protagonist magic and befriending Draco and convincing him Blood Purity was a lie and being a douche to Ron for no reason and yelling that he hated the evil monster warrior Dumbledore and loved the smexy and competent Professor Quirrel, who was even more an author avatar than SupposedlySmart!Harry, while Hermione got diddled via false memory charms and Harry failed embarrassingly, not even epicly but embarrassingly, at coming up with a clever plan to save her.

"Woah." Tobi said, disgusted. "And I thought I had issues."

"Tell me about it." Orochimaru said, agreeing with him.

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and fractal patterns of green painted themselves onto the golden walls. Trees grew out of the ground, as did grass, and the wooden-looking cage became a metal cage. The room got bigger, as the ceiling faded and became a clear blue sky with only the occasional white puffy cloud.

"IT'S" The Kyubi yelled, thrashing against its bars.

"OVER" He yelled, and spun around and hit the bars with his tail.

"NINE" He spun again and gnawed on the bars like a wild beast.

"THOOUSAAAND!" The Kyubi roared.

000

Sasuke walked onto the stage in his Curse Seal Level 2 form, the Sound Four in their Curse Seal forms behind him with instruments in hand.

"I dedicate this performance to my older brother, Itachi Uchiha." Sasuke said into his Kunai-shaped microphone. "I will have my revenge on you... Some day..."

His fangirls cheered, screaming about how much they loved him.

"ONE TWO THREE FOUR!" He yelled, and the music started in a loud, heavy thrash metal song.

"I! HATE! YOU SO MUCH THAT I! WANT! TO MURDER YOU!" Sasuke growled into the mic as his fangirls screamed with glee.

000

"SASUKE-KUUUUN!" Yelled the Sasuke Uchiha fanclub, the Sharingan-with-kunai patch visible on their clothes.

"NARUTO-SAMAAA!" Yelled the Naruto Uzumaki fanclub, the orange-rose-on-shield patch visible on their clothes.

"CAPTAIN LEEEVIIIII-HEICHOU-SAMA!" Yelled the Levi Fanclub, also known as the Scouting Legion. They died a lot, loved Levi, and occasionally fought Titans. Occasionally. The Long Range Scouting Formation was even developed so they fought as few Titans as possible, giving them more time to fangirl and fanboy over Levi.

A war broke out in the classroom, a war between Scouts in 3DMG and Academy Student Ninjas. You'd think it'd be a one-sided match, but because nobody in the room was currently named Levi, they had less chance of surviving this match than Naruto had of winning the Village's incredibly rigged lottery. One even died from getting slapped across the face.

000

"I am Ellen Yayger, and I am retaaahded." Eren whispered in an old man voice, his hair suddenly blonde for no apparent reason.

"This is my Titan form." He said, turning into a titan. "It is also retaaahded."

Watching episode one of this show on a black metal Laptop in the Hokage's office, Hideaki and Naruto glanced at each other uncomfortably. "Um... I don't mean to be mean or anything, but..." Naruto began.

"Even by Abridged Series standards, it sucks more balls than Sakura." Hideaki said bluntly, getting it over with.

"But wait... it's about to get to the best part!" The Third Hokage said knowingly.

"I am Captain Levi, and all the bitches love me." Captain Levi said in his first appearance, and killed two Titans as easily as a human would step on an ant, the Hokage's low voice making low "Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop" noises whenever he moved about. "Fighting me is quite a... Tall order." Levi said, and there was a laughtrack, followed by clips of fangirls screaming. Then he killed the Titans.

Eren stared at him in shock for twelve whole seconds. "Wow, and I thought my Titan form was retaaahded."

Hideaki and Naruto burst into laughter, and the Hokage smiled proudly.

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and fractal patterns of green painted themselves onto the golden walls. Trees grew out of the ground, as did grass, and the wooden-looking cage became a metal cage. The room got bigger, as the ceiling faded and became a clear blue sky with only the occasional white puffy cloud.

"I! WANT!" The Kyubi yelled, thrashing against its bars.

"YOU SO MUCH THAT!" He yelled, and spun around and hit the bars with his tail.

"I! JUST!" He spun again and gnawed on the bars like a wild beast.

"CAN'T! RESIST YOU!" The Kyubi roared.

000

"Man, the guys aren't gonna believe this!" Krillin said.

"I don't believe you." Piccolo said.

"I CAN'T believe you." Future Trunks said.

"Believe it!" Naruto yelled.

000

Ervin Smith looked pissed. "You've gotta look at yourself, Levi. You've gotta look at yourself every morning, and ask yourself, 'What am I willing to put up with today?"

"Commander-" Levi said.

"NOT ****ING THIS!" Ervin yelled, pointing at the Female Titan.

000

The two monstrous men stared at each other, sitting at a table.

On one end, Orochimaru.

And on the other end... HIM. And he was wearing That Outfit, too. The one the narration can't describe without getting kicked off the internet.

The snake man stared at the lobster man, waiting as Kabuto and a short flying girl dressed in green picked up the papers given to them by the Hokage and Mayor. "It's official." The two said in unison. "Orochimaru is creepier."

"WHAT?!" HIM demanded.

"Ha! In your face!" Orochimaru laughed, pointing right at him. "SUMMONING JUTSU! Manda, I choose you!"

Orochimaru summoned Manda, the giant snake, and he and Kabuto hopped up onto his back as the snake slithered off into the sunset, laughing evilly as Manda chanted, "Phallic symbol phallic symbol phallic symbol!" In place of laughter.

"Come see me when you've experimented on orphans, sacrificed devoted followers, achieved immortality and vomited snakes at people!" Orochimaru yelled happily. "We'll have a rematch!"

HIM, on the other hand, was sad.

"Don't feel bad." Said an adorable short blonde flying girl with big blue eyes, dressed in blue. "You'll always be the creepiest villain ever to us!"

"AWWWWW!" said the audience.

000

Sasuke walked onto the stage in his Curse Seal Level 2 form, the Sound Four in their Curse Seal forms behind him with instruments in hand.

"I dedicate this performance to my teacher, Kakashi Hatake." Sasuke said into his Kunai-shaped microphone. "He taught me how to climb trees, he taught me how to walk on water, and he taught me the Chidori. And that was all. These three, added to my Sharingan Jutsu, make four."

His fangirls cheered, screaming about how much they loved him.

Sasuke whispered into his mic, "I can only count to four, I can only count to four, I can only count to four, I can only count to..."

"FOOOOUR!" He yelled, and the music started in a loud, heavy thrash metal song.

"FOOOOUR! FOOOUR! FOOOUR! FOOOUR! FOUR! FOUR!" Sasuke growled into the mic as his fangirls screamed with glee.

000

"But what you did to these people..." The cat-masked ANBU man said fearfully to Hideaki. "It's not natural!"

"No, it's not natural." She said happily. "It's supernatural."

The ANBU man stared at her in confusion, and she burst into laughter.

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and fractal patterns of green painted themselves onto the golden walls. Trees grew out of the ground, as did grass, and the wooden-looking cage became a metal cage. The room got bigger, as the ceiling faded and became a clear blue sky with only the occasional white puffy cloud.

"GRIFFINDOOOOOR!" The Kyubi yelled, throwing its head to the sky.

Naruto burst into laughter.

000

Levi kicked Eren a lot.

Mikasa got mad, and stalked towards him, prepared to choke the little Gary Stu to death with his own entrails for hurting her favourite person.

Armin quickly grabbed one of her arms with both of his arms, leaning back and putting all his strength into it, and all it accomplished was causing her to stop and look back at him.

"Look at her face, everyone!" Armin suddenly yelled. "Captain Levi... She must really Heichou guts right now!"

Everyone laughed.

And then he let go, Mikasa charged forwards, and she beat the crap out of Levi and rescued her love.

000

"Sam..." One hot guy said to another hot guy. "Dad's gone on a hunting trip... He won't be home for a while."

And then Sam played the trumpet while Dean used the oven door as a drum.

Bam, bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam,

Bam, bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam baaaam.

000

"Hideaki!" Shikamaru yelled, entering her room without knocking. "It's an emergency!"

She immediately stood up, her TV playing episodes of Manyuu Hiken-Chou, the greatest comedy show she'd seen in months. A loser would yell at him and tell hin to get out of her room, maybe attack him, too, but she knew anything that could get him this worked up had to be an emergency, and a serious one.

"Uh... Isn't that show rated adults only?"

"Yeah, and Attack on Titan is 14+." She chuckled. "Anyway, Ninja can watch whatever they want, it's part of the law. We can drink, too. But I won't, because I hate the taste of it. Anyway, what's this emergency?"

"The entire Naruto Uzumaki fanclub is outside, and they challenged you to a Single Stroke Battle!" Shikamaru said, terrified. "And they've collectively raised a ton of ryo, and they're betting it all that they'll win! If they do, we have to give them practically all the money we have!"

She grinned. "Awwww yissss."

"What?" He asked, confused.

"I can't wait to kick their asses." She said, grinning evilly.

Shikamaru stood outside his clan compound, his family and her dogs watching through the windows as Hideaki, minus her dogs, strode forth to meet all fourty of her opponents, who waited for her outside in a wide semi-circle.

"A Single Stroke Battle." Hideaki said, charging up her chakra. "We each get one attack, and we have to destroy the other. We can't dodge or block, and if you aren't all down by the end, you win."

"That's right!" Yelled one fangirl wearing a red and yellow Naruto wig, wearing an orange onepiece bikini and blue crocs. "You could kill one of us, but the rest would overwhelm and beat you! And if we all die, you get in trouble with the council! Same goes for killing any of us, too. No matter whst you do, you're screwed!"

"You think you've backed me into a corner..." Hideaki laughed. "You think I don't have any Jutsu that can hit you all and knock you down without killing you."

"Yeah!" The fangirls cheered.

"Well, since I'm the fastest, and I was challenged, I'm going first. And I know exactly what I'm doing." Hideaki laughed, chakra visibly blazing around her in a huge blaze.

"Uh... Fangirl Mistress? Maybe this wasn't a good idea. A black-haired girl in a blonde wig said nervously.

"Time for my ultimate Jutsu!" Hideaki yelled, planting her feet and bracing herself. "Super Forest Skunk Jutsu!"

From anywhere in Konoha, no matter where you were, you could see the giant green smoke cloud that sprung up near the Nara Clan Compound, and hear it being loudly released.

Around Hideaki, her enemies screamed and passed out in droves, while Shikamaru covered his nose and quickly stumbled back into the Clan Compound before the tall and quickly-expanding cloud got him, too.

When the last Naruto fangirl fell, Hideaki sighed with relief and stopped her Jutsu, straightening up and turning towards her Clansmen. "So, when it comes to fighting enemies without being able to kill or seriously injure them, how'd I do?"

Shikamaru, disgusted but slightly amused, discreetly raised a hand and gave her a thumbs-up, making sure his family couldn't see.

And her three dogs barked approvingly.


	9. Chapter 9

"Gwaaahahahahahaha!" The Kyubi roared. "Well, it looks like your luck is about to change."

A large white spike of metal appeared and stabbed the Kyubi in the back, causing him to roar furiously as red chakra was blasted out around the wound, and the chakra seeped through the cage and grabbed Naruto before he could even move a foot.

Naruto screamed as the red chakra enveloped him, gaining a white hue.

The chakra grew around him like a giant red shell, and hardened into a shiny red sphere.

It stood there, large and unmoving.

It was like a big crimson egg, laid by a giant red bird that laid perfectly spherical shiny red eggs, whose yolks would probably taste delicious.

And then it shattered outwards, revealing the new Naruto, who watched as the shards of red glass converged in front of him and became a mirror that showed him his new self.

His appearance had become far more animalistic, even more animalistic than he was expecting. His eyes had turned a bright red. His body was sleekly muscled and curved and toned, and two feathered wings were folded up on his back. His hair had changed, becoming spikier and gaining sections with more colours, and he was blue. He stretched out his wings and flapped, rising up into the air and hovering there, staring at his new appearance in awe.

"Woah." The New Naruto said in a slightly-different voice. "I... I look awesome!"

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and fractal patterns of green painted themselves onto the golden walls. Trees grew out of the ground, as did grass, and the wooden-looking cage became a metal cage. The room got bigger, as the ceiling faded and became a clear blue sky with only the occasional white puffy cloud.

"MADNESS?!" The Kyubi yelled, thrashing against its bars.

"THIS!" He yelled, and spun around and hit the bars with his tail.

"IS!" He spun again and gnawed on the bars like a wild beast.

"SPARTAAAA!" The Kyubi roared.

Naruto burst into laughter.

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and fractal patterns of green painted themselves onto the golden walls. Trees grew out of the ground, as did grass, and the wooden-looking cage became a metal cage. The room got bigger, as the ceiling faded and became a clear blue sky with only the occasional white puffy cloud.

And then the cage suddenly shrunk, the Kyubi transforming and turning from red to blue, losing its shape until it eventually became... uh... well, it was about five feet in height, and looked kinda like a ghost or tombstone, its rounded head a part of its thumblike body. It had a mouth, no nose, big white eyes with tiny dots for pupils, and tiny stubby weak little arms.

"Whaaaaaat" The Kyubi yelled, the demonic echo of its voice gone, sounding more like a little kid as it headbutted the bars a few times, making a loud hollow donk sound each time.

"Diiiiiiiiiiid" He yelled, and weakly hit the bars with his tiny stubby arms, windmilling them slowly and accomplishing nothing.

"Yooooooooou" He spun again and gnawed on the bars like a weird kid.

"Dooooooooooo?!" The blue thing asked, sticking its stubby arms out and yelling up into the air.

Naruto watched this show silently... and then burst into laughter, falling onto his back. "Pffffft-BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

000

Naruto realized he was home.

Alone.

Because his parents were dead, which sucked, but still...

His parents weren't home!

'Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Naruto yelled.

And in just two minutes, a whole orchestra of Narutos were playing instruments expertly while a Shadow Clone banged the oven door open and shut over and over as a makeshift drum.

Bam bambambambam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam baaaam

Bam bambambambam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam baaaam

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and log floors and walls came into being.

In a flash of yellow and red energy, a miserable kid with brown hair and strong titan green eyes sat down on a bench near a window, watching an old man wearing glasses smile as a cute lady who was probably his mom and a cute girl who looked like she was from the Hidden Mist Village washed plates.

A boy with blue eyes and a blonde bowl cut ran to the window and hit it, and then... everyone in the room noticed him.

"Hi." Naruto said.

"Hi." The boy with strong titan green eyes said in a cool voice.

"Hi." Said the blonde boy in a squeaky voice.

"Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto announced his name.

"Eren Yaeger." Said the green-eyed boy.

"Armin Arlert." Said the blonde.

"I don't mean to be rude, but are those really your names?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah." Eren said.

"So... where's the Kyubi?" Naruto wondered.

"Is the Kyubi a TIIITAAAAN?!" Eren demanded.

This hatred... Naruto thought. Is he thenew form of the Kyubi?

"Well... It's titanIC, I guess. It's huge, bigger than any person, it's bigger than buildings, and it kills people and attacks villages." Naruto explained.

"Sounds like a TITAN to me!" Eren said, grinning evilly.

"In that case, I guess we're partners now." Naruto said, holding out his arm.

Eren grasped it and shook it, and everything burned.

And though nobody was expecting to see the Rogue Titan, Eren Yeager, actually succeeding in his mission, fewer still were expecting to see the Titan perform a handseal, summon up an army of equally-powerful Rogue Titan Clones capable of leaping about and doing taijutsu, and lead the charge in a furious titan-killing spree that cleared the way for the real Eren to get that boulder into place.

But by that point, many, many Eren Clones had gotten out, and were crushing enemy titans like they were made out of play-dough.

Oh, well. At least the boulder was moved into place. And Mikasa certainly seemed happy about it, even if she refused to tell Armin why.

But one thing happened, something that would prevent anyone from ever forgetting this day or what they saw on this day. Something that made Armin lose his innocence, Mikasa lose her faith in humanity, Sasha lose her appetite (for a few hours), Jean lose his lunch, and Zoe Hange almost lose her love for Titans forever.

One Ninja Titan used the Sexy Jutsu.

000

"Well, here we are." Hideaki said merrily, her three dogs yipping happily as she and Naruto entered the library. "If I were some lamer Civilian, I'd have to leave my dogs outside, but these are Ninja Dogs, and I can take them wherever I want because they're just as Ninja as any person. Or more Ninja, in the case of losers like Sasuke or Sakura."

"Hey, I like Sakura, and she's going to be my girlfriend some day!" Naruto said, stopping and pointing right at her.

"Why?" She asked, confused.

"Huh?" Naruto huhd.

Hideaki said nothing, and simply performed a Summoning Jutsu, skipping the part where she bit her thumb, making up for it by using a buttload of chakra instead.

She summoned a tall and thin teenager with brown hair shaved at the bottom and fuzzy at the top, and he had a horse face. He wore a girlishly short leather jacket over a white and brown outfit with a ton of straps and big brown knee-high boots, yet the outfit looked manly on him because he and the other men wearing it were manly enough to make it manly.

Naruto stared silently at the summoned man, wondering what would happen next.

He looked at Naruto, tilted his head, and asked, "Huh?"

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and log floors and walls came into being.

In a flash of yellow and red energy, a miserable kid with brown hair and strong titan green eyes sat down on a bench near a window, watching an old man wearing glasses smile as a cute lady who was probably his mom and a cute girl who looked like she was from the Hidden Mist Village washed plates.

A blonde boy ran up to the window, and pounded on it. "Eren! Wake up!" He screamed. "Do you wanna build a snowman?!"

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and log floors and walls came into being.

In a flash of yellow and red energy, a miserable kid with brown hair and strong titan green eyes sat down on a bench near a window, watching an old man wearing glasses smile as a cute lady who was probably his mom and a cute girl who looked like she was from the Hidden Mist Village washed plates.

A blonde boy ran up to the window, and pounded on it. "Eren! Wake up!" He screamed. "Even more evidence has been revealed that there really is money changing hands behind the journalism scene, people really are giving each other favourable coverage for favours and 'Favours', and- and- there's even a Google Hangouts group. That's like if the mafia opened their own clubhouse, out in the open with a membership list on the wall, and they casually laughed about how they'll never get caught!"

"So?" Eren asked. "It's not like the Death Note exists, and someone can do the right thing that way. Or like anyone's gonna go French Revolution on that list of names. Or even read the wiki and learn which sites are awful and which aren't, and support the non-awful sites, or make their own non-awful sites."

"No, but here's something else! You know that one loser, who makes a ton of money every month just from lying constantly and making dumb videos in which she moans about stuff she can't understand because she's constantly seeing life through her oppression glasses? The one who, if you'll look carefully, doesn't even bother varying the video quality between the kickstarter begging-for-money video where she said she needed a high quality camera and the first episode of her awful show, because all the money other people donated to her went straight into her overinflated bank account, and she knows her fans and supporters will kiss her butt and kiss her shoes and frantically support and defend her because they lack observational and critical thinking skills due to living life in a bubble of ignorance?"

"Huh?"

"You know the bad person who makes bad videos where she preaches a lot, and she asked for a ton of money to make her bad show even though Brony Reviewers make better shows with far lesser budgets? And you know how her supporters are fans are dumb? Did you know that one time, on a Steam thread, she made a thread harassing herself by weakly asking if people thought she was a terrible person, and she didn't realise she was logged in as herself and not her eighteen sockpuppet accounts until it was too late, but she never suffered any kind of backlash because her fans don't want to admit they made a mistake by supporting such a terrible person?"

"Oh, her. Who doesn't know her name?" Eren asked.

"Well... you know that video on Kickstarter where it all began? In one scene where it showed her hands awkwardly holding an xbox controller like they'd never even touched one before today - as if her director had demanded her video include this scene but it didn't matter how good it was because it was just a cheap moneymaker like her - and her thumbs were randomly moving about and moving sticks even though one of those sticks is usually used for moving the camera while the other is for walking about, and waggling them about like a certain other kind of joystick she's much more intimately familiar with isn't likely to get the results it usually gets her?"

"Is there a point to this?" Eren interrupted.

"I'm getting to the point!" Armin protested. "Listen..."

"Yeah, I'm listening..."

"In the video that made her more money than what honest, kind, hardworking people make in a year..." Armin said... "The xbox controller in her hands wasn't even turned on."

"WHAAAT?!" Eren yelled, everything bursting into flame.

Furiously, and faster than he would have normally, Eren the Rogue Titan picked up that boulder and used it to plug the hole in the wall, and then he quickly sprinted to the nearest house with an open or broken door.

He left his Titan body behind and turned on the computer, looked online, quickly found the video, and began to watch it, muting it so he could focus harder on the camera angles, precise details, and directing choices without her bad speech distracting him.

And when he got to the moment Armin mentioned, the controller close-up, an even worse directing move than constant weapon close-ups or extreme face close-ups...

"OH MY GOD, HE'S RIGHT!" He gasped, getting up and grabbing his head in shock. THE CONTROLLER ISN'T EVEN SWITCHED ON! ALL THIS DRAMA, ALL THESE SCAMS, AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO SWITCH ON HER CONTROLLERS?! HOW HAS NOBODY ELSE NOTICED THIS?!"

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and log floors and walls came into being.

In a flash of yellow and red energy, a miserable kid with brown hair and strong titan green eyes sat down on a bench near a window, watching an old man wearing glasses smile as a cute lady who was probably his mom and a cute girl who looked like she was from the Hidden Mist Village washed plates.

A blonde boy ran up to the window, and pounded on it. "Eren! Wake up!" He screamed. "The new series of Code Geass has finally been announced!"

"What?!" Eren gasped, getting up and waking up instantly.

000

The teenaged boys and girls, all soldiers in identical outfits, walked down the wooden steps of the building they were in.

Connie was nervous, and talking, and so the large blonde man known as Reiner decided he had to say something. "Hey," he said in a friendly tone, "Don't worry if you miss the Titan's weak spot on the first swing. You can always aim for the second weak spot."

"The second weak spot?" Connie gasped.

"That's right!" Reiner said, drawing one of his swords. "Just take one of these blades and shove it up their ass."

Bertoldt looked away as if embarrassed or remembering something painful.

And as Connie and Sasha totally bought it and wondered if they missed a day of training, and the horsefaced cowardly killjoy who eventually got better known as Jean, pronounced Shawn for some stupid reason, told him to knock it off and asked him if he really wanted his last words to be an ass joke... He thought back to his childhood, remembering the Hidden Titan Village outside the walls, and how his Titan instructor had told his Titan team of Reiner, Annie and Bertoldt to get three bells from him, and if they didn't get the bells, they'd be sent back to Titan Academy. The bells were actually balls of solidified Titan vomit. A phrase flashed within Reiner's mind, a phrase he wished he could forget.

"Hidden Titan Village Secret Finger Jutsu: Fifty Thousand Years Of Death!"

The fact that all four of them were in their Titan forms at the time and yet Bertoldt the Colossal Titan still managed to hide better than him didn't help much, and neither did the fact that the Titan Instructor lost his hands in the process. Sure, they growed back, but there were some things you just didn't want the rest of the Titan Village seeing, and seeing you screaming in Titan form with two severed arms torn off, shoulder and all, kept in the worst possible place, was one of them.

Annie had suggested, as a coping mechanism, joking about it and laughing, and maybe blushing at the time in a way that made everyone think you were crazier than a bag full of Titan kittens on fire about to be thrown at Eren by Rod Reiss, Historia Reiss, and the Humanity Surpression Squad. But now, with nobody laughing, Reiner decided to never take Annie's advice on anything ever again, ever.

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and log floors and walls came into being.

In a flash of yellow and red energy, a miserable kid with brown hair and strong titan green eyes sat down on a bench near a window, watching an old man wearing glasses smile as a cute lady who was probably his mom and a cute girl who looked like she was from the Hidden Mist Village washed plates.

A blonde boy ran up to the window, and pounded on it. "Eren! Wake up!" He screamed. "Steam finally announced they're not going to kill the modding community off with Paid Mods!"

"WHAT?!" Eren gasped hopefully, and everything burned as he woke up.

Eren the Rogue Titan roared, and it sounded like he was yelling "YYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSS!"

And everyone, even the Titans, stared in horror as he started to dance. Badly. He danced in the Saturday Night Fever dance, because Attack on Titan is set in the ancient times and that is an old dance.

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and log floors and walls came into being.

In a flash of yellow and red energy, a miserable kid with brown hair and strong titan green eyes sat down on a bench near a window, watching an old man wearing glasses smile as a cute lady who was probably his mom and a cute girl who looked like she was from the Hidden Mist Village washed plates.

A girl with bright blue eyes slammed her hand onto the window, pressing her face up against the screen. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie, and we're having a party!" She yelled happily.

Eren immediately snapped awake. "A party?" He gasped.

And Pinkie Pie and the Rogue Titan sat atop the boulder with a single blue balloon carrying the whole thing closer and closer to the Titans below were loudly and musically obliterated by Vinyl Scratch the Dubstep Titan and her twin bass cannons, one in her mouth, and one in a place so hilarious that Reiner would give up, drop all his blades and go home if he saw it. "There ain't no party like a Pinkie Pie Party!" Pinkie and the Rogue Titan shouted happily.

000

When he entered the room, he saw a wide, wide open room with sewer pipes and dirty water, and a big cage on the far wall that contained... it.

The Nine-Tailed Fox.

The room shook with a loud boom, and the place started to change. The water on the ground drained away, as gold dust started to grow on the walls like mould, spreading out quickly and covering the walls. The pipes retracted into the walls, holes sealing up like closing mouths, and a crystal floor with a big table in the middle.

A door opened up, and some ponies entered, led by a purple one with wings and a horn. "Let's go over this one more time." She said.

"There's nothing to go over!" The winged blue one said. "We defeated Tirek, got this sweet castle, and... uh... who and what are you?" She asked, noticing the blonde intruder in their castle.

"Uh... Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto greeted nervously.

"Are you sure that's your real name?" The blue pony with wings asked skeptically. "Because that's a strange name."

"Rainbow Dash!" The purple pony with wings and a horn whispered nervously, as if indicating that she was making a bad first impression and begging her to stop.

"What? Come on, Twilight. Naruto and Uzu... whatever aren't even real words." Rainbow said.

"But Hat-Trombone Mule-a-kazoo-key is!" The pink pony with pink hair said happily. He liked her, she reminded her of him when he was a kid.

"Anyway, uh... I don't suppose any of you have seen the Kyubi around here, have you?" Naruto asked.

"What's that?" The pink pony wondered.

"And where are your Cutie Marks?" The blue pony known as Rainbow Dash wondered, looking at his butt for some reason.

"My what?!" Naruto wondered, confused.

"In this world, Equestria..." The purple pony named Twilight explained, "Cutie Marks are images that appear on a pony's flanks, to show what their natural talent is. For example, mine is magic." She said, and turned around so he could see her flanks, and he noticed a pattern of stars there. "Fluttershy's ones mean she's good with animals."

Fluttershy, the yellow pony with a soft pink mane, shyly hid her face with her mane and turned so he could see the pattern drawn on her flanks, pink butterflies.

"What's with your whiskers?" Rainbow Dash wondered.

"Oh. Well... I'm the Jinchuriki of the Nine Tailed Fox, the Kyubi. He was sealed inside me when I was born, and his power slowly seeped into me, making me look like this."

The ponies gathered gasped.

"Sealed inside you?!" Twilight said, aghast. "How could anyone do something so awful?"

"I know." Naruto said sadly.

"That poor fox..." Fluttershy said, looking like she was about to cry.

"Hey! The fox is a giant evil fox monster that kills people and attacked my home village!" Naruto protested. "My father fought it, and was killed by it, managing to seal it into me a moment before he died and everybody died and it destroyed everyone!"

"Oh." Twilight said, surprised. "That... changes things."

Fluttershy hid her face from view using her hair. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"Hey, it's okay." Naruto said sadly.

The pink pony knew she had to cheer him up, but how?

She gasped in a flash of inspiration, and a grin grew across her face, grinning more than she had in days.

"Pinkie Pie?" Twilight asked, trying to calm her down. "Whatever you're thinking of doing, please stop and think about it first."

"Okay!" Pinkie said happily. "I just did. Hey, Naruto?"

"Yeah?" He asked.

"If the Nine Tailed Fox getting sealed inside you gave you those whiskers..." Pinkie began.

In that moment, the planets aligned, the ley lines aligned, every language in existence aligned, and the pink pony known as Pinkie Pie breathed in and mentally prepared herself for the greatest joke known to ponykind or mankind.

"Does that mean those are... your Kyubi Marks?" Pinkie Pie asked, grinning.


	10. Chapter 10

Earlier that morning

"So... who gets who on their teams?" Asuma asked the rest of the Senseis around him, sitting in the office of the Third Hokage himself.

Kakashi knew he was going to get Sasuke. Sharingan and Sharingan? A foregone conclusion. Not to mention he was practically the pet of the Civilian Council, and they'd just LOVE for him to have a Sensei that could teach him all 1000 of his Jutsus.

Kakashi had hoped he'd get the other Sharingan wielder, even if she probably would be a pain.

On the other hand, Kurenai liked her. She sought out knowledge and power... not for grudges or vendettas, but simply for the sake of knowledge. Her lack of decorum and inability to care for people she didn't see as worthy of being cared about was slightly worrying, but they'd work on that. "I'd like either Hinata or Hideaki." She said.

Kakashi eye-smiled. "Good! I'm bound to get Sasuke, you've got the other Sharingan-wielder, our students will be rivals, and the jokes about us will begin shortly."

Asuma glared at him. "Oh." Kakashi said. "Sorry, did I touch a nerve?"

"We're getting off-track. But regarding Hideaki... Because of her abilities and relationships..." Asuma said. "We can't put her on any team with Shikamaru, Kiba, or Sasuke. There'd be no point. Especially not Sasuke, the kid sees her as a living middle finger to his Clan. And considering the effect she had on Naruto... I'm wondering what'll happen if we put her with some of our less skilled Ninja. That seal of hers could be dangerous, but useful."

"There is already an uneven number of Ninja in our group." Kurenai pointed out. "And I don't suppose we'd be allowed to break tradition and have one squad with five members, as opposed to four?"

"No." Hiruzen sighed. "The Civilian Council would never let me hear the end of it, and I doubt the Ninja council would be happy, either. But there is... another option."

"What is it?" Kurenai asked.

"The Final Shot Protocol." He sighed.

And then, there was silence.

"No... Lord Third, you can't be serious!" Kurenai protested.

"I thought that was made up to make the Civilian Council happy!" Asuma said, surprised that it was real. "You're seriously about to do THAT?"

"Sorry, was I late to a meeting?" Kakashi asked. "What is the Last Shot Protocol?"

"It is the only way." The Third Hokage said sadly. "Unless, of course, you are willing to risk this village's future or risk a diplomatic incident by sending one of our Ninja back to the Academy simply due to too many people passing the bar."

"Sakura Haruno is the weakest Genin in the group." Kakashi said. "And due to Naruto's sudden and unexpected improvement, the worst student grades-wise is now Kiba, who literally doesn't even try to be clever, but doesn't have the intelligence of Shikamaru to save him. If either of those two are going back, I know who I'd choose."

"We are not doing that. We can not." The Hokage said sadly. "Sakura's mother is practically the leader of the Civilian Council, why do you think she was so insistent on having her daughter carried through Ninja life by Sasuke Uchiha?"

"...Fine. Now, that brings the question... who gets hit by Last Shot Protocol?" Kakashi asked.

The Hokage sighed. "There can only be one."


	11. Chapter 11

"Team Seven." Iruka said. "Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno-"

"WOOHOO!" Sakura cheered.

"And... Naruto Uzumaki." Iruka said.

"Oh, no!" Sakura said weakly, expecting the rest of her life to be filled with him flirting with her and asking her out on dates even though she didn't want him, she wanted Sasuke. But... he did look different, and he had been acting different,

Naruto immediately got up, filled with genuine shock and rage. "What the hell?!" He demanded. "Whose stupid idea was it to put me with that arrogant prick and that shallow fangirl?!"

"Why am I not with him?!" Hideaki demanded, standing up. "I'm the strongest, fastest, and most agile kunoichi in this room, so why am I not with him?!"

"Because," Iruka said, "The best students are teamed with the worst students, to ensure balance."

"FUCK balance!" Hideaki snapped. "Try making teams that will actually succeed in missions without being hideously overspecialized, and have Team Loser dropped if they don't shape up and act like they deserved to pass the bar!"

"Hideaki, sit down!" Iruka said, starting to get angry.

"Sakura Haruno!" Hideaki yelled, turning around as her head-dog reached behind her, grabbed her sword, pulled it out and tossed it up, then caught it and held it in his mouth. "I challenge you to a duel for the right to be on Naruto Uzumaki's team!"

"HIDEAKI, SIT DOWN!" Iruka barked.

She turned around, surprised, as her dog Daisuke put his sword back into the hilt on her back.

"Sakura Haruno passed the bar." Iruka said. "She is a Ninja!"

"She passed the bar due to her high marks in theoretical questions and her ability to memorize meaningless history trivia." Hideaki said, sitting down. "Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate her. She's mean to Naruto, she hits him for no other reason than she finds him annoying, and that annoys me and should give me the right to hit her for hurting my friends and being a shallow kitten with no discipline or skill. Still, I'm sure that with the right sensei, maybe Kurenai, she'd grow into a great Genjutsu Specialist and Spy. Maybe she'd make a good ANBU Asassin, sneaking into places, taking the enemy out, and sneaking back out. Or sneaking into places, making the enemy off himself, and sneaking back out in the ensuing confusion. Or maybe she could be a Spy, delivering vital intel to our village. I'm not unreasonable, I know she COULD be great. But she isn't great right now, and right now, she is not worthy to be on Naruto Uzumaki's team."

"Is that what this is about?" Iruka asked perceptively. "Or are you just worried about not being able to be on his team, protecting him?"

"Both! She sucks ass, and if there's an enemy too strong for Naruto to beat, she's not going to be much help." Hideaki muttered.

Sakura opened her mouth to say something, but Sasuke put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, just enough to get her attention, and dispel her rage the second she realized her crush Sasuke was touching her shoulder. "Stay quiet, for now." He whispered.

She closed her mouth tightly and nodded, not willing to make any sound for fear that she'd end up squealing like her Inner Sakura was.

Iruka frowned. "Hideaki... your concern for your fellow Ninja is touching, and this will go on your record. Maybe you're growing some empathy after all. But there's something else set aside for you, and this is the team Naruto has to be in. If not, he can't be a Ninja."

She quickly grabbed him by the shoulders, and turned him around so he was looking at her, right into her eyes, which were showing so much concern and warmth and emotion and humanity that for a second, he wondered if this was really the same person. "Naruto... no matter what happens out there and what you have to do, you come back alive, okay?!"

"Okay." Naruto said, nodding.

"No, really, you have to come back alive! Also, I don't care what she promises you or what you think you could get from her, you do not let Sakura hurt you, got it? I don't care if you were annoying her, I don't care if you asked the wrong question, I don't care if you didn't notice her new haircut or made a rude joke or anything. If she hits you, if she slaps you, if she kicks you in the nuts, if she touches you in any way you don't want her to, you grab her hand and slap some sense into her, and remind her just who the hell you are. If you don't want to do that, just grab her arm and bend it back, and point out that you could easily break her arm. If you're sparring, then it's alright for you two to fight, but if she hits you when you aren't ready just because she thinks she can get away with it, you show her she CAN'T get away with it. You're not a little kid chasing after her any more, you're your own man, and if I find out you let her hurt you even a little, I'll kick your ass and then kill her slowly right in front of you. Got it?"

Naruto gulped in fear. "G-got it." He stammered.

"And you." Sakura said, glaring at Sakura and Sasuke in turn, focusing her killing intent on both of them. "If either of you hurt Naruto outside of a spar both of you agreed to... they won't find your soul."

"Don't you mean 'Body'?" Sakura asked.

"I know what I said." Hideaki growled, her eyes suddenly glowing with a bright crimson light.

"Genjutsu... Release!" Sakura yelled, assuming it was a Genjutsu. That didn't change her eyes at all. "S-Sasuke?" She asked.

"It's not a Genjutsu, that's raw chakra." Sasuke said, impressed and not even a little scared, because he thought he could take her. He'd demanded personal tutors from the Third Hokage, paying for them out of his Clan's considerable coffers. He still wasn't a match for her, but he'd do a lot better than he would have the first time they fought, maybe even get in some good hits this time. Yes, he could almost imagine it, he could almost see it, beating her down and making her bleed, making her kneel at his feet and apologize for ever going against him, and then making her join his fanclub where all the girls belonged.

"Sasuke, if I make Ino read your mind right now, what will she tell me?" Hideaki asked dangerously, recognizing that glint in his eyes.

"Hm. Nevermimd." Sasuke said dismissively, and resumed brooding.

"Naruto? Don't let him hurt you, either." Hideaki added, looking back at Naruto. "All you have to do is survive and complete your missions, and soon, we'll be Jonin together and we can do missions on our own. Plus, when you become a Chunin, you get to form your own teams with a specific mission in mind, so you and I can do missions with Kiba, Shikamaru, or Ino."

"Why do you keep mentioning me?" Ino asked. "We aren't friends."

"No, but your abilities could be useful. Even though you don't have anything to you besides that. Come on, couldn't you become the ultimate poison master or taijutsu specialist or something? I'm sure it'd be a lot easier to hit your enemies with your mind jutsus when they're on the floor, beaten down and ready to give up."

"Why would I need that when I've got Shikamaru holding people still for me and Chouji kicking ass for me?" Ino asked.

"Because maybe you won't always have them. Maybe someone else will need them more. Maybe someone will realise the old Divide And Conquer trick works great on you. Throw kunai and fireball jutsus at Shikamaru to exhaust him, stab Chouji a lot or just take him out last since he can't keep his jutsus up forever, put kunai through your elbows and knees and have a medic stabilize you while large nails are driven through Chouji. Don't get me wrong, I like Shikamaru and Chouji, but the Inoshikacho trio is not invincible. Now train harder, got it?"

The absolute certainty in her voice, the cutting ruthlessness of her mind... she really was part Nara. "Got it." She said, a little scared.

"Good, now, back to the most important one in this room... Naruto, are you sure you'll be okay without me?"

"I'm sure." Naruto said with a nod. "Besides, Kairi will look after me, right?"

"Who's Kairi?" Sakura asked.

"Someone he can summon." Hideaki said quickly. "I like her."

"Oh." Sakura said, assuming it was just an animal or something. "Hey, wait, don't you need to sign a Contract to use Summons?"

"Yeah, he has one." Hideaki pointed out. "Duh."

Sakura glared at Hideaki, who ignored her.

"Iruka Sensei? Sorry for interrupting, earlier." Hideaki said.

"It's ok. We all have some people we want to protect." Iruka said. "Now... Team Eight."

He called out the names of the rest of the teams, but at the end...

"Iruka Sensei?" Hideaki asked. "Why was I not mentioned?"

"Because... the Leaf Village has decided to announce... Last Shot Protocol." Iruka stated.

Hideaki's eyes widened.


	12. Chapter 12

Hideaki looked down upon the six kids her age gathered in front of her in the forest of a training ground she was told to wait for them in, looking at kids she'd originally dismissed as unimportant background people, wallpaper. And to be fair, right now, they still were. And she was going to change that.

"Last Shot Protocol." Hideaki announced, beginning an epic speech. "An alternative to sending kids back to the Academy when there are too many or too few kids in this term's teams. The idea is simple: Take a strong, fast, intelligent, natural leader like me, and for six months, the top six rookies who didn't quite make the cut will be given to him or her to command, much like an ANBU squad. I, Hideaki Senju, will be your squad commander, and if any of you die or fail to meet the standards expected of a Konoha Ninja by the time your six month term is up, I will go back to the Academy as I would normally have to do, while you all go home with the dark cloud of failure forever hanging over your head, never able to be a Ninja again. Today, I take a gamble, I bet on you, I bet that you will become great. If not, well, I go back to the Academy, but not before you all die trying to become great. To compensate for how this Squad has a Genin like me, an ANBU assigned to us and instructed to assist only in training and Jutsu-learning and nothing more, forbidden from assisting us in any way when on missions with us to see how we do and report back to the Hokage, and six almost-Genin under my command, we will start with a week of training followed by our first C Rank Mission."

The crowd gasped. "That's right, we're being thrown into the deep end! Sink or swim! Or rather, it would be if it were an A rank or B rank. A simple C rank is easy, but at least we don't have to waste time on D ranks like the other Squads."

A weak cheer went up at that.

And one girl who hadn't cheered, a girl by the name of Tadasumi Kiyo, stepped forwards from the crowd. She was one of the Fangirls Hideaki had kicked the ass of earlier thst year, she had brown hair in a bowl cut at the front with the back half allowed to grow long enough to brush against her lower back. She wore a closed white kimono patterned with a gradient that changed colour gradually until it reached the forest-green base. "Who says you get to be our leader?!" She demanded. "Why can't it be someone smart, like Shikamaru, or cool, like Sasuke?!"

"Why does everyone expect me to only be a quarter as smart as Shikamaru?" Hideaki wondered aloud, curious and unangered, as her dogs growled at her new foe. "I am clever. The fact that I could design my seals proves that."

"Shadow Possession Jutsu!" Hideaki said, performing the jutsu, her shadow shooting out faster than a kunai and grabbing hers, rooting her to the spot as she gasped in fear.

"Shadow Neckbind Jutsu." Hideaki said with a tone of finality, hands of raw shadow beginning to crawl up her opponent's immobilized body.

"No... please!" She said fearfully as the hands went further and further up her body, cold shadows claiming her as their own. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it!"

The hands got closer and closer to her neck, and then went down her right arm, grabbing it tightly and twisting it around, forcing her to slap herself in the face.

Hideaki's shadow retracted back down into her own as her subordinate stood there in shock. "Is it better to be feared, or respected?" She asked.

"Um... Respected?" She guessed.

"The correct answer..." Hideaki began, chakra flames igniting on her right hand's fingers and thumb like a gas cooker, and she thrusted her burning hand onto the girl's stomach, applying the first level of the Hideaki Seal of Awesomeness. She and Naruto had all ten levels of it, because they could handle it. "IS BOTH!"

Tadasumi screamed as her chakra forcibly flared up around her, burning her body as it formed a blue shell around her that became hard and opaque, reshaping into a ball.

"Tadasumi!" A blonde girl with gold eyes and her long blonde hair in a hime cut shouted in fear, stretching out an arm.

The orb of hardened chakra started to crack, energy flaring out.

"Is she dead?" A boy with cold green eyes wondered, hair slicked back.

The orb shattered outwards, revealing the new Tadasumi.

Her appearance hadn't changed as drastically as it had when that seal was used on Naruto, but that was to be expected. She had a brown hairstyle similar to before, but it was spikier and messier, and two long brown rabbit ears tipped with cream-coloured soft fuzzy fur came up and out of her head before bending down and ending somewhere down around her hips. Her kimono had opened up to be more like a cloak or longcoat, the gold-coloured fabric belt that kept it together now unbound, and it had changed from a white and green gradient to a gold and green gradient, while also revealing more of her body, which was taut and lithe and strong like a badass athlete, and her butt had a rabbit tail on it, which she saw when she turned around to check, her kimono having gained a split seam at the back that made her tail visible when her belt was not tied up properly. She was cute, very fit, and would likely be incredibly hot once she was old enough for a person to call her hot. Beneath the kimono, the black shirt and shorts she'd been wearing earlier were revealed, yet they stayed the same, but on her back, she noticed something like a sword hilt sticking up behind her head. She reached back and took it out, and saw that it was a long, light, thin green blade like a five-foot-long tanto, its hilt brown with golden stripes. "Woah." She said, amazed.

"Looking good!" Hideaki said approvingly. "The rabbit ears are kinda weird, but hey, if they're part of your Improved Self Image, who am I to judge?"

"Improved what?" Tadasumi asked, wondering if this was some kind of weird dream.

"A part of the way the seal's transformative aspect works that I can explain to you guys is... well... it looks inside you and sees who you are, who you truly are in your heart, and then it alters your outer appearance to reflect that... then it boosts the power and you-ness of your outer appearance. Everyone I use it on gets their own transformation unique to them, and they can also... well, they're supposed to be able to use all elemental chakra types, but so far, out of everyone I've used it on, only I've been able to get that good."

"How come you don't have any animal features?" One guy wondered.

"Because I am me." Hideaki Senju said. "I could probably kick that part of my seal into overdrive and see what happens, but it's currently just going to boost my human-ness with added strength, speed, intelligence and agility. And before you say anything dumb that'll make me kick your ass: No, I don't usually tap into my enhanced attributes, all my abilities are due to my own hardcore training."

"You used it on others?" The green-eyed boy asked.

"Yeah, on Naruto, and some ANBU people and I experimented with it when they found out about it. I can't tell you about that, of course, but it went well. Anyway, line up for Seal-getting, your Training Sensei will arrive in one hour, we're supposed to be spending this hour getting to know each other better but let's face it, this is more important. What could possibly be more important than turning into super badass Ninjas?"

"So that's why he suddenly looked so different!" The blonde golden-eyed girl gasped.

Tadasumi experimentally hopped five feet into the air, landed, then leapt ten feet into the air, then landed and suddenly froze up when Hideaki's shadow stopped her. "Probably not a good idea to jump too high when you're just getting used to your new body."

"Yes, Hideaki Sensei." She said respectfully, bowing down to her as Hideaki's shadow retracted.

"Now this, I like. By the way, you can shut off your seal and turn back into the old you temporarily if you want. Now... line up, everyone! And get ready to let the awesomeness flow through you. From this day forth, you are no longer mere Honourary Genin. You are... Hideaki's Monster Ninjas! The new gods of Shinobi!" Hideaki said dramatically, excitedly rubbing her hands together as chakra flared up in her hands. If this was what being a Sensei and Commander was like, training her people to be badass warriors and having full control over them, she decided she really, really liked it. Besides, she knew their mindsets weren't exactly perfect for being Ninja, but being Monster Ninja would hopefully be a lot easier for them.


	13. Chapter 13

AN/ No, reviewer, they're not going to war with Suna. /Squidward And I thought of a certain plot twist before you mentioned that.

Naruto knew something was up with his Sensei right from the start. Why? The old 'Eraser propped up by the top of the door' prank actually worked. And it just happened to be covered in pink and purple glitter, and it had been used quite a bit, so it had chalk dust on it, too. The not-so-old tripwire-on-the-door linked up to a canister of helium gas prank also worked. And when he tripped them both just by walking into the room, he also stepped right on an explosive tag.

The explosion was big, messy, and a pale white, for the detonation seals had been messed with so it spewed white flower and tons of pink and purple glitter everywhere, wind chakra seals ensuring as much glitter spiralled onto Kakashi as possible.

Sakura gasped. She'd seen Naruto giggling like an idiot with that same old happy grin on his face as he got up on a chair to position the eraser just right, and though she told him he was an idiot for doing this, she was happy to see that this new Naruto still had some old Naruto in him. She noticed that there were two new small crimson badges on him, one on the front right belt loop of his pants and one on his shirt in the center of his chest, his unzipped jacket showing off the ember-shaped badge and the flame-shaped badge. And looking back, she wondered when he put those other traps into place. Was he secretly using Shadow Clones, sneaking around while the main one got her attention?

And why did he use so many traps? Wasn't SHE supposed to be the amazingly talented trap master?

She had a flashback, and saw Kakashi walking into the room. He didn't seem bothered by the eraser, or even surprised by his head getting hit by something, even if his hair probably cushioned the force of the blow for him. Still, if he was a Jonin, he had to be sharper than that, unless...

Sakura gasped again. He only saw the eraser coming. He wanted to take it, act calm and unfazed, and ruin the moment by making it seem like Naruto wasted the energy it took to put that eraser up there. But instead...

Naruto Uzumaki, the former dead last, just outwitted his Jonin Sensei.

Sakura quickly glanced at Sasuke, and in his dark eyes, he saw... begrudging respect? Of course, he was impressed. Now that was quite a feat. And to be honest, she was impressed, too. That wasn't just brute-force strength or speed or agility, that was real intelligence.

In her mind, Naruto went up two places in her mental rankings, meaning he was now one rank higher than dirt, which meant he was now seven ranks higher than Hideaki.

"All rise for Her Royal Highness, Princess Kakashiko-chan, the prettiest princess to ever leave the Village Hidden in the Sparkley Rainbow Glitter!" Naruto declared, and gave a mock bow. "He may have came late, but it looks like Princess Sunny Sprinkles didn't!"

Sasuke tried, and failed, to surpress laughter, a loud snirk escaping as he covered his mouth with his hand. Sakura stared at her crush in shock, unwilling to believe that he actually laughed at that.

The flour dissipated, the sprinklers activated, and the flour turned into a sticky glittery doughy goo that clung to him, but the sprinklers on the student's side of the room where the Genin of Team Seven had been sitting, were disabled, so no water got onto them.

"My first impression of you guys?" Kakashi asked in an incredibly high-pitched helium-affected Chipmunk-ish voice. He wasn't an idiot, he SAW the slightly-opened door, and he looked up and saw part of the eraser as he walked up to the door. He had originally planned to walk in, let the eraser hit him - of course, he'd be incredibly nonchalant and unimpressed about the idiotically basic prank that wasn't even worthy of being called a prank. Also, he sometimes felt that he deserved pain, even if his sadness sometimes made feeling things hard - and laugh internally as that took the wind out of the prankster's sails. Instead... this happened, and he looked as stupid as he felt.

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke burst into uproaracious laughter, as did Kairi and Inner Sakura within the first two.

"I hate you all." Kakashi said flatly in his new squeaky voice.


	14. Chapter 14

If Naruto didn't know better, he'd think Kakashi was high.

But Naruto DID know better, and so the only-a-quarter-there act was fake, like him.

Further evidence that he was probably fake? He smiled in the manner of someone planning to murder a false friend later as he told Naruto he "forgave" him for his prank.

Which was why when Kakashi told his Genin to not eat breakfast because they'd only throw up, Naruto knew it was a lie, since if there was a chance Naruto would actually throw up, Kakashi would SO do it to make a point. And so he ate a big breakfast with bacon, fried eggs, ramen, and a watermelon slice. Hideaki's hobby was reading, and the hobby of all three of her dogs were farming watermelons, and she didn't mind giving him some. After all, when Hideaki told him her dogs used chakra for a jutsu called Dynamic Watering that basically expelled excess water from their bodies while making the water that came out pure enough to safely drink - possibly even purer than tap water naturally was - without having even the slightest hint of where it came from, and definitely pure enough to use on watering crops, he said that was disgusting, but kinda cool.

Regardless, Naruto thought bringing a slice of watermelon each for his teammates would do wonders for morale, and help to get them to like him.

"Eat up!" Naruto said happily.

"Naruto, we were told not to eat anything before training!" Sakura lectured.

"Yes, but Kakashi Sensei told us this. Or should that be, Princess Bakakashiko-Chan?" Naruto asked, and Sakura laughed even though she didn't want to be seen laughing at his jokes. "If there was a danger of us throwing up, he wouldn't tell us, he'd make us throw up and say in that weird stoner voice of his 'You knooow, you shouldn't eat so much right before a fight'."

"Naruto, that's crazy. And paranoid." Sakura said dismissively.

"No, he's right." Sasuke said, thinking about it. "Considering how much Naruto pissed him off, I wouldn't be surprised if he was planning to get revenge somehow, teach him its a bad idea to antagonize people above his skill level. Tying him up and starving him might be an attractive option."

"Oh, Sasuke, you're so smart!" Sakura said happily, wishing she was allowed to hug him and stroke his silky raven hair as she rubbed the side of her head against that magnificent head of his.

"I knew that! ...Mostly!" Inner Sakura added lamely.

"So, how about it? Watermelon?" Naruto offered.

"What, no ramen?" Sasuke asked arrogantly.

"We aren't close enough for that just yet." Naruto said in the way a boy would tell their boyfriend they weren't close enough for something big and important.

"These aren't Hideaki's watermelons, are they?" Sasuke asked, the subtext going over his head like a kunai that was actually a Shadow Clone.

Naruto laughed. "Yes, and do you really believe the crap your psycho fangirls say about them?"

Sasuke paused for a moment. "Of course not." He said as he took a slice, biting into it.

"Such clever, subtle deception..." Kairi whispered within Naruto's mind.

"Huh? No, it wasn't that clever." Naruto shrugged mentally.

"Don't sell yourself short, Kit." She replied, affectionately patting him on the back.

"Why do your fangirls hate her so much, anyway?" Naruto wondered out loud.

"Maybe because she kicked their asses?" Sasuke offered. "Or maybe because she's a privileged brute lucky enough to be born to the right family, and they're not?"

"Look who's talking, Sasuke UCHIHA." Naruto grumbled.

"Hm. I am the last Uchiha, she doesn't deserve those eyes." Sasuke retorted.

"From what Hideaki told me... her grandma got into a fight with some Uchiha prick with a stick up his ass bigger than the Great Hokage Monument, and after an epic and hard-fought battle, she took his eyes and kept them in a jar in her bedroom closet, waiting until she could implant them into her firstborn child as an even bigger middle finger to the Clan that, rather than apologize and try to make up for it, instead tried to have the death penalty given to her for 'Unprovoked murder of one of Konoha's esteemed clans'."

Sasuke had heard of this story, his parents told it to him occasionally. "She insulted his honour." He said, as if that were reasonable grounds for a duel to the death and a dishonourable attempt to have the slain Uchiha avenged through a dishonorable court of law rather than an honourable battlefield.

"They were at a training ground together watching their teammates bicker over their current military strategy. Hideaki's badass granny got bored and started throwing kunai at targets from several hundred feet away with near-perfect accuracy, Dumbass Uchiha did the same and did nowhere near as well, Dumbass Uchiha got pissed and started calling her names, very bad ones, Granny Badass asked what the hell his problem was, so Dumbass Uchiha backhanded her across the face. Granny Badass got into a fighting stance and kicked his ass. He got back up, kicked his Sharingan into their highest state, used Amaterasu, and tried to murder her, and then the fight began for real. It was a long and hard fight, their teammates staying back because it had become an official Clan duel, and eventually, completely out of chakra, one arm broken and the other torn off, one knee smashed in and the other bleeding badly, a lung pierced by a cracked rib, Dumbass Uchiha put a kunai in his mouth and charged. Without even trying, Granny Badass stuck out her arm and fingers, like the Hyuga Jyuken pointy thing, and stabbed her fingers through his chest, fingers piercing his flesh and piercing his heart. She said 'I doubt this is the deepest anyone's been inside of you', and then she kicked him away like the piece of trash he was. His final words were gargled with blood, but he spent those final words insulting her and saying they'd have a rematch in hell. Granny Badass smirked, and said this is the last he'd see of her... you know, because he was going to hell but she wasn't, because she was a badass military strategist who made a lot of tough choices that saved a lot of lives, while he was just a jerk and common rank-and-file footsoldier lucky enough to be born into the Uchiha Clan... and she plucked out his eyes. He screamed, his throat and lungs finally filled completely with blood, and he died. The end."

Sasuke looked pissed enough to gain his Sharingan right there, shaking with rage.

"Hey, don't worry, I know you're not as bad as that Uchiha" Naruto said conversationally. "By the way, what was his name?"

Sasuke screamed in rage and attacked Naruto with a Kunai, but Naruto gave him a swift right hook to the head that immediately knocked him out. "I'm starting to think Hideaki was right about you people having insanity and superiority complexes in your blood." Naruto admitted.

"My, my!" Kakashi said, suddenly appearing between them, purple and pink glitter covering his form, though most of the dough had been washed off by going home and showering. But glitter was an EVIL, EVIL little thing, sparkling sand likely harvested from the dried fluids of demons, and so it was a lot harder to wash off completely. "That's one way for teammates to bond."

"He's not dead!" Naruto said suddenly. "He just... he attacked me with a kunai, so..."

"It's okay, Naruto. He's got mental problems, and it's not your fault he has them. But from now on, let's try to keep the Hideaki Sharingan talk to a minimum, ok? You wouldn't like it if he kept talking about the time you and he accidentally kissed and your fangirls went to war around you, each side convinced that the other side's idol was a dirty manstealing pervert, would you?"

"No... but I wouldn't pull out a Kunai and try to kill him for it!" Naruto insisted.

"I know, but the Civilian Council refuses to let him get therapy or allow him to think he might benefit from it, insisting he's perfect the way he is." Kakashi sighed.

"But he's not!" Naruto protested.

"I know. But the Civilian Council is a big part of the Leaf Village and its good relationship with its people and especially its businesspeople. Also, in the time between the reigns of the Fourth and Third Hokage, the Civilian Council stole a lot of power away from the Hokage seat while it was empty, power the Hokage can't try to take back without looking like a tyrannical despot."

"Oh. So, uh... you said there'd be a test?" Naruto asked.

"That's right." Kakashi said, eye-smiling. "And if you're to have any hope of passing my test, you'll need Sasuke awake. And keep in mind that in the field, whether your teammates can stand and fight or not can be the decisive factor in whether you win or lose."

"Don't worry, Sensei!" Naruto said happily. "Hideaki showed me a Jutsu perfect for waking people up!"

"Interesting. What is it?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto stretched his arms and hips, and then suddenly spun around. "Forest Skunk Jutsu!" Naruto shouted gleefully.

"No no no no no no NOOOOOO-" Kakashi screamed.


	15. Chapter 15

"Alright, blondie, what's your name?" Hideaki asked the blonde girl with golden eyes under her command. Behind her stood the boy with slicked-back black hair and cold green eyes, and the other barely-Genin stood and watched from far away.

And further away in the opposite direction, Tadasumi was waiting for them and strapping heavy training weights to her legs, arms and chest, weights Hideaki had kept sealed in her Scrolls. Every official Konoha Ninja got their own small expenses account you could use on kunai, weapons, armour, seal supplies, smoke bombs, anything related to being a Ninja. The better a Ninja you were, the more you got each week, and Clan kids were trusted with a little extra because they were Clan kids. Kids with parents on the Civilian or Ninja council got more. Even though their parents could happily foot the bill for most things. Either nobody saw that favouring clan kids and letting them afford higher-quality gear would result in poorer Civilian-born Ninja being less prepared and less likely to do well, or nobody cared, or people wanted it that way. Surely, if the Civilian Council gave a crap about stuff like that, they'd fix it, right? Why hadn't they fixed that yet?

Regardless, once you'd bought a good everything, there wasn't much to buy besides spare stuff.

"I'm, ? Sensei!" The blonde girl called out, bringing Hideaki out of her thoughts.

"Very well... now, prepare yourself for the greatest moment of your new life." Hideaki said dramatically, chakra blazing up around her hand and jabbing it onto the blonde girl's stomach.

She screamed, her chakra flared up, and it formed into a spherical egg around her that cracked and shattered, shards coming together to become a mirror that showed her the new her.

She'd gotten a little taller and fitter and stronger, she'd expected that, but this...

Her blonde hair had grown out into a wild mane, her hazel-yellow eyes turning a supernatural bright gold. She wore a black bodysuit that covered her new, stronger body. Shiny black metal with gold highlights were the metal for the breastplate that formed on her chest, colours making a pattern like a bird's crest. Thick sleek rounded metal shoulderpads with three long spines shaped like long feathers yet sharper than flesh-cutting blades appeared upon her shoulders as thinner armour barbed with four feather-spines adorned her arms, hands covered by fingerless chainmail gloves that went up to her elbows, her fingers free and uncovered. Two massive golden falconlike wings of raw chakra formed on her back, connected to her shoulderblades through the armour. A few feet to her left, a six-foot lance with a golden diamond point formed in the air, waiting for her, and a fierce golden glow and seven spiralling golden feathers appeared and surrounded it for a brief moment as it fed on her strong emotions, but the feathers and glow disappeared when she felt shock at seeing it all. Her legs and feet had similar sleek armour, her shoes raised slightly and adding an extra two inches to her height.

"Woah... name! Y-you... You look..." Kuroshige stammered, eyes wide. "Y-you..."

"You look cool." Hideaki said.

"Y-yeah." Kuroshige said sadly.

"Well, you're up next!" Hideaki said happily, putting a hand on his shoulder, causing him to tensr. "Birdy, go over to the rabbit over there, and try not to eat her."

"I wouldn't mind that." Tadasumi said with a grin.

There was an awkward pause.

Tadasumi suddenly and awkwardly burst into laughter, and everyone else laughed with her, assuming she was kidding.

"You ready for this?" Hideaki asked.

"Show me the new me!" Kuroshige demanded impatiently, an excited grin on his face. Hideaki let it slide, since she'd probably be impatient too if it were her about to have power given to her.

The Senju jabbed a chakra-filled palm into Kuroshige, transforming him. He screamed in shock and rage at the pain as chakra flared up around him and hardened into a blue ball of solid chakra thst quickly turned black.

The ball egg shattered, revealing the new Kuroshige.

His body had grown taller, aged around 14, but he his face... and worse, his eyes... those eyes... he looked like he was far older where it mattered, like he'd seen a million wars, and done terrible but necessary things to win them all while enjoying those things more than he should. His black hair had grown back into backwards-facing barbs, two bangs streaked with silver framing his face, which now had sideburns and a small mouth-framing thin black beard that ended in a sharp silver point. Dark circles grew around his left eye, which was a blazing dark-red with a silver pupil, the colour of fine wine rather than blood, and his right eye was covered by a black eyepatch with only a thin silver circle to show where his right eye would be if he hollowly stared ahead. He wore a black long-sleeved shirt upon which thick segmented black steel armour covered his arms, and thicker armour formed on his chest, sloping outwards near the front with silver spikes surrounding a large wine-red chakra gem, the black armour thickest there, a whole three inches. The black parts didn't reflect any light, none of it did, and the metal was made of one of the darkest shades of black any of them had ever seen. His back armour was an inch thick, slightly thicker on the parts where it was designed to look like he had back muscles so defined they could be seen through the armour. A silver-coloured metal spine formed and protected his spinal column, and his shoulders had large black curbed metal shoulderpads that stuck out like a bent playing card, a bent metal playing card three inches thick. Metal reached up around his head, forming into a large, thick black-metal helmet with grey bars crossing across his face for a vaguely skeletal appearance, yet they didn't get in the way of his breathing or seeing at all. And with the helmet to shield and darken his face, his cold red eye seemed ever more malevolent. In a flash of grey light, a blade appeared in his hand, an elegant obsidian double-edged longsword with one straight black-diamond edge and one serrated wickedly-curved crimson edge design to saw through blade and bone alike. The hilt was connected to the blade by a shining black crystal that shone with a black light that darkened whatever it shone upon.

"Coooool..." Tadasumi said with a grin. "But wouldn't all that badass armour be super noisy when you move around?"

"See if you're right." Hideaki said, suspecting something.

Tadasumi took out her long green blade and tapped the flat part on his shoulder, but it made no noise. Not even a donk or tink or thud. Nothing. It was like the metal absorbed even sound.

"Of course!" Hideaki realised. "It's chakra armour. It only makes noise if you want it to."

"Yes, of... course." Kuroshige said uncertainly.

And then he suddenly felt his mind expand as all the dark secrets of the world instantly became known to him. He raised his right arm straight to the sky, and with a flourish, flipped his eyepatch up to reveal a perfectly fine eye kept covered only for night vision purposes. He then covered his right eye, his left eye gleaming with a black light. "Hekigan" He whispered reverently.

It was as if he was suddenly seeing the world through one-eyed crimson-coloured night-vision, light and darkness meaning nothing to him for he could now see everything at once in a focused six-hundred meter cone wherever he looked. He wasn't seeing through things, he just knew where everything was and what it looked like. Above the heads of anyone he saw, even his friends, he saw five sets of numbers that appeared in a row and slowly shifted about just a little, each set containing two numbers and separated from the other sets by a white-rimmed crimson dot. He also saw black and white burning in the hearts of others, though there was barely any in any of his teammates. The only notable ones were Hideaki, whose heart was overflowing with black and white, and the golden bird nearby whose heart was now completely devoid of darkness, filled with white.

"I... see..." He whispered.

Hideaki channeled chakra into her seal, which converted it into mind chakra, allowing her to instantly read his mind. "Woah." She said, taking a step back and quickly averting her eyes. "That's not supposed to happen. Did I just awaken an ancient and forgotten bloodline? Or is this something... else?"

"And how come you look scarier than Naruto?" Tadasumi asked. "My mom's terrified of him, calling him a demon and stuff. Even though Hideaki's way scarier really."

"I... my heart, it's..." Kuroshige said, amazed. "The darkness, it calls to me, it beckons like a pretty girl. It feels my mind, my heart, the underworld wants me to become its champion. The Dark Lord, The True Dark Lord commands it."

"Kuroshige, I swear to the Sage, if you turn on us because 'The daaaarkneeesss told you to do it' or if you start wangsting about how you 'Walk a path shrouded in shadow', I'll cut off your head and kick it into your body hard enough to turn both into a pile of unrecognizable ruins fit only to be burned away by my Fire Jutsu, never to be seen again." Hideaki warned, her head-dog Daisuke drawing his sword.

"There's no danger of that... Hideaki-Sama..." Kuroshige said with a grin, hand falling down limply as his eyes returned to normal. Well, normal for the new and improved him. "The darkness likes you... and not just because of your Nara blood. But it also likes me. For too long has its name been sullied by so-called demons, mere bandits seeking merely to intimidate and kill their fellow man, with no true darkness in their hearts, only shallow rage. There is more to darkness than that, there is a certain stark beauty... and I shall be the one to purify it."

"You're going to kill anyone with Demon in their titles?" She asked skeptically.

"I'm going to kill anyone falsely invoking the name of darkness, demons, or death." Kuroshige growled with an evil grin.

"And serve me?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Naturally, Mistress. After all... I wear your brand." He said, getting down on his knees and bowing so deeply his forehead touched the dirt. "I shall serve you as my true Master desires."

"Just Sensei will do fine, thank you." Hideaki said sharply. "And it is not a brand, it is a seal. Apart from being able to track you when you aren't surpressing that part and being able to summon you, there is nothing even remotely slavey or brandy about it. By the way, don't even think about turning on me, even if your 'True Master' demands it. Even if you run from me, I can summon you in midair while standing on the side of a tall building, explosive tags on the ground. Make one wrong move, and I end you, ruining whatever plans your True Master has for you. And you don't want to ruin your True Master's plans, do you? You serve me first, and your element second, understand?"

"I understand... Sensei." Kuroshige said, getting up and then bowing a little to her.

"Hey, how come he gets dark powers, but I don't?" Tadasumi demanded.

"You're our rabbit girl... don't you get super hearing and nature powers or something?" Hideaki asked.

"Maybe? I haven't really checked" She admitted, embarrassed. "Yeah, I have super hearing, but my mind's gotten better so I can hear everything without getting hurt by loud noises or something. But I've been more focused on how I'm really fast and I've set these weights at 500 pounds on each leg and 100 pounds on each arm and I'm only just starting to feel it. Is 500 pounds a lot?"

"...Yes." Hideaki said, internally surprised that her numbers were so high so quickly. Then again, Hideaki had more weight on her arms, so she wasn't completely outdone by a beginner bearing her seal. And thst girl's transformations did seem mostly physical.

Besides, she could use her seal's ability to convert chakra, surely... uh...

"This seal should also allow you to convert your chakra into whatever you want. Stand over there with the other Monster Ninjas, put on weights, and practice using different elements, see what works best for you." Hideaki said. "I know the seal lets you convert chakra to any type equally well, but your chakra affinities are part of who you are so find which powerful combination releases work best for you."

"Yes, Sensei!" The transformed Ninja said, and they began to crush trees with basic Elemental Dragon Jutsus from different elements, wood and crystal and lava dragons striking different trees, not even knowing what element was next, just knowing that they'd try everything and then decide on either whatever felt best or whatever was coolest.

Meanwhile, Hideaki looked at the final few left that had yet to transform. An angry girl with green eyes and pale blonde hair, a skinny boy with brown hair and brown eyes, and a blonde boy with honey-brown eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

An angry girl with green eyes and pale blonde hair dressed in a black shirt and yellow skirt, a skinny boy with brown hair and brown eyes dressed in a brown shirt and black jeans, and a blonde boy with honey-brown eyes wearing a blue shirt and white shorts. Those three were the only ones left.

First up was the blonde boy, because Hideaki thought he looked cool. The Senju pointed at him, and beckoned him forwards, slamming her seal onto his gut when he got within range.

"Why do you hit your seal onto people so hard?!" Tadasumi demanded, weights strapped to her and hidden by her clothing, now doing squats.

"Because it's seals, and they're supposed to be done hard, it reduces the risk of the seal not going on properly! Besides, it's cooler this way." Hideaki said, folding her arms as chakra flared up around the blonde boy and he screamed as it hardened into a shell.

The shell shattered, and reformed into a mirror in front of him, showing Takayori the new him.

He had become the tallest of all by two cm, his body had the lithe yet strong muscles of a swimmer, and his blonde hair had turned a shining gold and gained sea-blue highlights. His chest was covered by a v-necked black shirt with three blue buttons at the top, and two three-inch thick foot-long blue metal shoulderpads lined with gold and tipped with segmented lighter-blue spines like sea foam formed on his shoulders, while an orange goldfish-coloured chainmail shirt as fluid as the ocean formed on his shirt and covered his black-shirted chest. Rounded blue armour segments styled like rippling waves that wouldn't impede his movement at all formed on his arms, legs and feet, and a tail made of segmented blue metal two-foot-wide three-foot-wide metal blades connected by golden balls formed on his lower back, a twelve-foot-long tail tipped with the two-bladed tail of a shark. Upon his head, a crown formed, ocean-blue jewels along its sides, sharp golden spikes like fins aiming up at the sea. On his left arm's armour, a golden pattern formed and rose up, resembling a squid whose head was a small sixty caliber inch-long cannon barrel on a ball that currently pointed up but could aim wherever he wanted it to, and in his right arm, a weapon appeared, a three-pronged sea-blue trident tipped with gold, each prong like a barbed fish hook, the lower end shaped like a badass golden shark knife instead of the usual single point or flat base. All in all, he looked like a badass god of the sea.

"Woah." Hideaki said, impressed.

"AWESOME!" Tadasumi squealed.

"Not bad!" Natsuko nodded approvingly.

"Impressive..." Kuroshige whispered, leering at him creepily.

"Do me next! Do me! Do me!" The blonde girl with green eyes demanded loudly, rushing up to Hideaki, grabbing her by the shoulders, and shaking her.

Hideaki shoved the girl back ten feet, where she fell onto her back. "For that, you'll go last." She said, indicating that it was time for the brown-haired boy to step forwards, Naoshige. Hideaki slammed her seal onto him, his chakra flaring up, but he didn't scream at all.

"There's a first." She noted as his chakra hardened into a shell and shattered.

He was tied for height with the water guy, the tallest of the lot, and he was now also the skinniest of the men, with a build meant for running. He also wore the lightest armour, dressed in a thick unbuttoned brown leather longcoat with chainmail inside it for extra protection. His pants were light brown and made of leather, his shoes were ordinary lightweight shoes, and on his chest, he wore a blue shirt partly covered by a brown jacket with only the center button fastened, creating an hourglass symbol. In his right hand, a weapon appeared, a metal staff with a sharp extending spike at the bottom, and on the top, a large clock with hands stuck at five minutes to midnight. Guided by instinct, he drove his spear into the ground and reached into his jacket pockets, pulling out a golden pocketwatch on a chain and a long thin metal tube with a button on the top like a vibrating toothbrush. He pressed the button with his thumb, and a green light lit up on the end, making a weeoweeoweeo sound until he took his thumb off the button and uncertainly put the metal glowy thing and the pocketwatch back into his pockets. "Huh." He said, stunned and confused by his new transformation. "I... have no idea who I am, but what's with the timey-wimey getup?"

"Apparently, you like clocks. Or clocks like you." Hideaki shrugged.

"You look great." Natsuko said reassuringly.

"My element's better." Kuroshige grumbled.

"Hey, wait... Natsuko, right?" Hideaki asked. "Isn't your name a bit similar to Naruto?"

Natsuko grit her teeth as harsh orange-gold light radiated from her form, clouds of sharp blades shaped like feathers appearing around her. "I'm two months older than him. I had my name first! It means Summer Child, and I want nothing to do with that de-"

Hideaki glared at Natsuko so hard that the girl's light immediately vanished, her feather knives crumbling to dust and fading away, and the gold and steel-armoured girl stepped back in fear.

"-eeeelightful young man!" Natsuko finished in a higher voice, forcing a terrified smile in a desperate attempt to save her life.

"Woah... you just intimidated the Light of Sunset." Kuroshige said, amazed. "Our reincarnations have battled time and time again throughout history, but never has anyone... actually done... that... to her."

"It's even cooler the second time." A second Naoshige said, standing behind the original Naoshige.

"And just as cool the third time." Said a third Naoshige.

Hideaki frowned. "Your clones, get rid of them."

"I didn't make them!" The original Naoshige protested, shocked at their presence.

The second and third ones got out their pocketwatches, pressed the turning thing at the top down like a button, and both disappeared.

"...Naoshige!" Hideaki yelled.

"I haven't done anything yet!" He insisted.

"Exactly!" She snapped.

"The light of what?" Natsuko asked Kuroshige.

"My power, the Hekigan, it showed me more than what can be seen. You are the Light of Sunset, I am the Shroud of Dusk, and this is the first time our chosen vassals have ever worked together for a common goal."

"If we're reincarnations of two powers, do I get my own Dojutsu?" Natsuko wondered.

"Of course. You can see everything under the sun, while I see all that hides in darkness." Kuroshige sighed. "Why did your light not tell you what darkness told me?"

Kuroshige stiffened, and placed a hand over his eyepatch. He grinned, and chuckled. "The Dark Lord says it is because the light is weak, and does not want or deserve a champion."

"I should probably take offense to that... but the light hasn't said anything yeEEEAAAHAAHAHAAHAH!" She said, and screamed as her eyes visibly burned with gold light, only to stop when she realized that the burning actually felt soothing and really nice, and she was now seeing everything from a bird's eye view, seeing everything the sun saw, seeing everything every sun in the galaxy saw, but she couldn't move around or see through stuff, just see whatever every light of every universe saw.

"I see... everything." She whispered.

"No, I see everything. Kuroshige protested. "Did you know there are secret illegal tunnels under Konoha? Or that Naruto has a demon sealed inside him? Or that Timey-wimey over there doesn't like pears? All dark secrets are known to me. Even the ones I really didn't need to know."

"Shut up and give me my own new form already!" The green-eyed blonde girl demanded.

Hideaki turned around and glared at her, causing her to scream in terror and wet herself, a big stain forming on her pants as a dark puddle formed beneath her. Her teammates laughed at this... Except for Tadasumi, who hopped over to her in a single hop and rubbed her back, telling her everything would be okay.

And then, to make her teammate feel better, Tadasumi folded her arms and wet herself, a bigger stain forming as an even bigger puddle appeared beneath her.

"Nobody else do that." Hideaki ordered. "It might be a sweet gesture of solidarity, but it'd also probably be a pain to wash out of your new clothes. And to punish you two..."

She leapt up, dogs on her head and shoulders. "Dynamic Marking!" She yelled, and spun.

Both girls received a shower they did not want, but they stayed rooted to the spot because this was their punishment. Still, Tadasumi and the blonde were a lot closer now.

Hideaki landed with a smile. "Needed that." She said.

"Wait, did you..." Natsuko asked, disgusted.

"She did." Kuroshige said, stunned.

"But she didn't... she's still wearing..." Naoshige began.

"Chakra underwear." Hideaki said with a grin. "Money well spent! Anyway, blondie number two, get over here, it's time for your transformation."

"Really?" She asked, surprised.

"Duh huh huh, number two." Kuroshige laughed. One of Hideaki's shoulder dogs raised a leg and relieved herself on his head in a high arcing stream without even looking at him.

"Yes." Hideaki said, putting a hand on the girl's damp shoulder. And then wiping that hand on her shoulder-dog's back, not that he minded. "I left you until last for a reason, it was a secret test. So was the wetting thing, there's a reason why I focused most of my killing intent there. Tadasumi joining in with you was just a weird bonus. Now... accept your new form!"

"Yes, my Sensei!" She declared.

Hideaki slammed her seal onto the blonde, and her chakra flared up as she did her best not to scream, her chakra hardening into a shell that turned grey and shattered, revealing the new her.

Her body had grown in size and strength, chest second only to Tadasumi and Hideaki, though they'd all likely grow in a few years. Her pale blonde hair had turned a harsh ash-grey, and her green eyes glowed and smouldered like embers. She wore a red and black dress covered in grey and black belts that curved out at the legs so it didn't get in the way of her legs, and the long belt straps floated away, unchained by gravity, white flames lit at the tip of each one. A weapon appeared in her hand, a long and thick wax candle with a burning wick. The small flame at the top extended into a spiralling thin whip tipped with a dragon's head, and she expertly twirled it around her before lashing out at a nearby tree, burning it instantly in a flash of white flame and reducing it to a pile of grey ash. Steam rose from her form, and Tadasumi's, and from the sudden awful smell in the air, everyone realized she'd just burned the urine off herself and her friend without harming either of them.

Kuroshige checked his hair with his hand, and found that it was still wet. Apparently, she didn't like him as much as she liked Tadasumi. He frowned.

"By the way, what's your name?" Hideaki asked.

"Hana Shizuka." The grey-haired girl said.

"Well, that's everyone." Hideaki said happily. "From this day forth, you are now all officially Hideaki Senju's Monster Ninjas. Now, I'll get some training weights for all of you, and by the time the ANBU gets here to train you, I want all of you to decide upon your three favourite elements. We're in a forest, so kill trees. Go!"

"Yes, Hideaki Sensei!" Her new students yelled, and as she stood far back and watched her new badass Monster Ninja obliterate trees with different elemental Jutsu, she felt a sense of pride similar to that of a parent watching their child take their first steps.


	17. Chapter 17

"Senju-Sama." A large sturdy badass Taijutsu-specialist-looking man clad in dark clothing that drew more attention to the white Cat ANBU mask on his face called out, approaching Hideaki, who stood alone in the forest clearing.

"Wassaaap?" She greeted casually. "What's your stupidass codename?"

"My... what?" He asked, a little surprised.

"Come on, I've dealt with you ANBU guys before. Dumb names, similar skills, occasionally a Transformation Jutsu used to make your body look generically manly, just in case any of us had a chance of figuring out who you masked people were. As if it were really that big a deal."

"Where are your teammates?" He asked, changing the subject. "They haven't ran away already, have they?"

"No, they're waiting for me to give the order to dramatically appear suddenly once I'm certain you're a real ANBU."

"...Whatever. My codename is Nekokage, and I will be your team's trainer and Sensei."

"Nekokage?" She asked, an amused smile on her face. "Cat shadow? Wow. You aren't even going to go with an old obsolete battleship name or something?"

"Shut up. That is the name that was assigned to me." Nekokage said. "Perhaps the brass knew it'd have this effect on you."

"Whatever. Team Hideaki, I choose you!" Hideaki yelled.

Her team of six appeared behind her, posing in a manner that brought to mind Sentai/Power Rangers team. Tadasumi was even turned around, aiming her butt at the ANBU man, looking at him through her legs, and grinning, her rabbit tail clearly in view as her kimono parted either side of her. To them, this was all silly and hilarious. They were Monster Ninjas, and some silly Regular Ninja couldn't even touch them.

The ANBU stared at the transformed and cool-looking team in quiet shock, rage rapidly building.

"You had one... job." Nekokage said, folding his arms and emitting waves of killing intent that sent chills down Team Hideaki's spine, causing them to break their stance, straightening up, and step back, watching him talk to their leader.

"Well, I'll admit, this is the first time I've ever been on this end of the speech." Hideaki admitted casually, absolutely unfazed. It wasn't like she was scared but forcing her to brave, it was like she wasn't even feeling the killing intent.

"You were supposed to earn their loyalties with a long speech." He said coldly. "You were given one hour, time enough for a fight or two if need be."

"And instead, I earned it with badass transformations and promises of even further power." She shrugged. "I do things differently when my way is better. But only when my way is better, I'm not some loser rebel who disobeys just so she can say she did."

"You... Do you even realise what you've done?" He demanded furiously, cranking up his killing intent.

"Wait, don't tell me... I used a badass seal of my own design to turn six losers into six badasses, taking one minute each to do what years of your softcore training couldn't do?" She guessed.

"You used a dangerous transformative seal on them! What if something went wrong?!" He demanded, getting more angry by the second and cranking up his K.I. so badly, her terrified Genin subordinates started to back away in fear, muscles locking up.

"Nothing would go wrong, I made the seal. It's perfect." She said happily. She then stopped and rubbed her chin, looking to the side. "Well, that's not entirely true, it would be better if it was even more powerful and transformey, and there's no such thing as perfection anyway. Still, I've gotta give myself credit, I'm awesome at this."

"You... you could have killed those kids!" He yelled. "YOU COULD HAVE MURDERED EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM, OR CRIPPLED THEM FOR LIFE!"

"But I didn't!" She protested, unbothered. "DUH! Look at them, they're not dead. You can tell, because they're still breathing and they're not decapitated or bleeding like a stabbed pig."

"What would have happened if they'd died?!" He yelled. "WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED?!"

"They wouldn't have, because I was the one applying the seal, duh. Team, can you believe this guy?" She said, almost laughing as she looked back at them. "First, I applied it to the weakest of the lot-"

"HEY!" Tadasumi snapped, her nose twitching angrily.

"I could have kicked your ass with a foam bat. Held between my teeth. While standing on one leg, the other arm held behind my back. Anyway, After it worked successfully on the one who didn't have a hope in hell of fighting off my seal like a baby slapping away a toy and getting hurt badly for it, I took a moment to observe how it affected her, and then I put my seal on the others, too, once they were willing to accept my seal."

"What would happen if the seal hurt her?" The ANBU cat demanded.

"I'd tell her to suck it up, badass power is worth a little pain." She said, folding her arms.

"I mean, WHAT IF IT DESTROYED HER ABILITY TO USE CHAKRA, OR WALK?!"

"STOP YELLING, I CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE, DUMBASS. It's a SEAL, and if I didn't like what it did to her, I'd take it off."

"You'd take it off?" Nekokage gasped.

"Take it off?" Tadasumi gasped.

"I... would... take it off." Hideaki said slowly. "You can do that, you know. Unless you're a Jinchuriki. Well, you still could, it'd just be a bad idea since having a Tailed Beast sealed in you is sweet and so is having power."

"Your file... it mentioned you weren't exactly a saint. But this... I think I've met murderous assassins who've shown more respect for their fellow man than you."

"Well, duh! Assassins are cool, they balance the checkbooks of death, taking one life to save another, killing those who have gone too far, slaying bandit lords and pimps who are dumb enough to think kids are a good business venture as opposed to proper hot chicks."

"You... you aren't normal." Nekokage growled. "You are not a normal human being."

"Well, DUH! Look at me, there's a dog on my head and two more on my shoulders, and the long sword on my back isn't mine, it's my dog's. That's right, the dog on my head, Daisuke, is the master swordsman, not me. Why do you think the sword hilt is placed where he can reach it? My favourite jutsu is Dynamic Marking, and I even wear chakra underwear so I could use it myself if I wanted to. From the moment I was born, I was trained intensely, everyone wanted me to be the greatest and smartest and strongest and best, making me work out until I threw up and then I'd keep working out. And then, I'm expecting to go on badass missions, but my parents instead suddenly decide it'd be better for me to waste my time with a bunch of jerks who hate me just for being born to families better than theirs. I'm not about to suck up to anyone, ever. If someone likes me, that's good, and if they don't, I don't care. I'll admit, meeting the occasional very rare nice person was nice, I liked that. But apart from that, it was lame. I want to go be a badass Ninja, killing criminals and doing my duty to the village."

Nekokage paused and stared at her. "You... were trained as a baby?"

"Yeah, intense training courtesy of ANBUs, hardcore ones. Sometimes, I worried that all the pressure would make me snap and pull an Itachi. But I like Shikamaru and Kiba too much for that. But... turns out the pressure did mess me up a little, even though I'm not broken, just bent. And I can't really connect to people "Properly" according to my therapist, not that I really noticed. Anyway, I don't mind at all."

She paused, and noticed something. "That's still on my file? Damn it! Why was she so obsessed with saying 'Oh, no, it's ok, everyone has SOMETHING wrong with them! And out of everything that could be wrong, I'm glad it's just a little thing, aren't you?' only for it to turn out that apart from a few emo loser sad kids who didn't want to be Ninja and were kindly turned away, everyone else is saner than me?"

"What?" Nekokage wondered.

"And what is Sane, anyway. Normal? Average? Boring? I'm not emo, I'm not bloodthirsty, I'm not shallow, I'm not a loser, I don't obsess over anything, I don't eat people and I'm not a complete blank slate, so I'm already better than most of the Ninja I've met. I do have feelings, and hopes and dreams... I just... you know. I have a Thing."

"That's no excuse." He growled.

"Sorry, do you have a Thing? Do you know what it's like to have one? And do I seem like the type of loser to make excuses?" She snapped. "My Thing is a part of me, like my hair colour. Except it can't be changed with a simple Jutsu."

He cranked up his Killing Intent so much, the grass beneath Hideaki's feet started to wilt.

Hideaki blushed as her hair started to stand on end, and she giggled as she clutched her own arms, shivers running down her spine. "Stop that, you're making me feel funny." She laughed.

Nekokage immediately stopped, disturbed.

"Why did you stop?" She asked, disappointed.

"You... said to stop." He said.

"Yeah, but I didn't say please. By the way, please teach me that Jutsu. I like it. I like it a lot."

"You... you are not normal." He said.

"Thank you, Heichou Obvious-Sama. Hey, remember that time in the Academy when we all watched Marley and Me while the staff watched behind one-way glass and secretly took notes on our emotional reactions, and while everyone else around me was crying, all I could think was how lame a movie this is and how blatantly manipulative it is? 'There's a guy, he gets a dog, he hates the dog because it's a jerk, then he loves it because he and the dog become friends, but the dog dies. All is sad. Cue sad violin music. Curtains fall. The end.' Wow, what a great film. Amazing. I give it five explosive tags out of ten, hopefully that's enough to blow it up forever so I never have to see it again."

He suddenly punched at her face, and she dodged by leaning back casually. "Are we sparring now?" She asked, absolutely unfazed. "Good rule of thumb when trying to sneak-attack someone: Don't go for the Frontal Assault. As we say in ANBU, when you go for the F.A., you'll accomplish sweet F.A."

"YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!" He yelled, swinging a kick at her head. She stepped back and leaned to dodge, and then rapidly punched him in the gut, chest, liver, kidneys and diaphragm, and he stumbled back, his chakra having reinforced his organs to brace them for the blow. "Marley and Me was the saddest and most beautiful movie ever!"

"Ew, seriously? What, do you like Twilight, too?" She asked, disgusted.

"Ew, no." Nekokage said.

"Good, so you're not THAT much of a lame sheep. Or it could be because you're a guy and you're supposed to like crappy music instead. Listen, I do know that I'm not like other people. When I thought Naruto was just some loser war orphan, I thought he was lame. But then I found out his real backstory, and DAMN, SON, it sucked to be him! But he was a nice person, even though those around him weren't. I respect him now. Anyway, people keep saying that a Normal Human is naturally kind to everything, unlike me, and a Normal Human would have instantly loved him whether he was sad or not. But that's bullshit. Everyone hated the guy, because everyone hated the guy. Nobody met him, nobody got to know him properly, nobody found out that he's really a good guy. Sheep think fox boy is scary, so sheep hate fox boy because fox boy is different and alone. I never understood why boring people like you can hypocritically spout the virtues of being normal and being somehow-naturally-kind and hiding your strangeness so you fit in, only to turn around and do something worse just because everyone's doing it?"

He stepped back. "That... that's none of your business. Naruto was a special case."

"I'm a special case." Hideaki said coldly. "Did you know Naruto tried to off himself once? When he was a kid, too. He put his kunai in his mouth, and bit down. Hard. He woke up the next day with a bad headache, hungry for ramen, not noticing the blood all over the floor until AFTER he'd eaten breakfast. And he cleaned it up himself and never told anyone, because you Konoha Ninjas are SO OBSESSED with sanity and normalcy, anyone who tries and fails a suicide attempt or is caught hurting themselves for no good reason and isn't an Uchiha gets locked up and taken off active duty and put in therapy until they're "Better", which is usually never. When he told me this, I offered to kill everyone who was ever mean to him, and make each and every one look like an accident, and the only reason they're still breathing is because he said there's no need to go that far. He didn't want me to go to such lengths for him. He didn't think you were worth my time!"

Hideaki stepped forwards. "HE is a saint, HE is a hero, and with the exception of my cousins and Shika's one friend Chouji, you were all total bastards to him just for being born different. I think differently, and that scares dumbasses. He's got the most badass Kekkei Genkai ever, and that scares dumbasses. Don't talk to me about ethics, morality, or anything else you don't know anything about until you and everyone in this village has earned his forgiveness and mine, got that? Now, train my Genin."

"I can't train them, you've turned them into monsters." Nekokage growled.

"Okay, I need you to pay really close attention. See how they all still have arms and legs? Two arms and two legs, like a human? That's because they're still human, they're just better ones that look a little funny. Everyone's a little weird, and I unlocked that weirdness and turned it into strength. Now, do your job and train them, or I'll find someone who will." Hideaki said, and walked away.

"Where are you going?!" Nekokage demanded.

"You handle training them. I handle leading them and being the greatest leader ever. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go think about tactics and strategy and epic battle plans." Hideaki said, and teleported away.

Nekokage slowly turned around, and then demanded of his new team, "Everyone, drop and give me fifty. NOW!"


	18. Character Sheet: Hideaki Senju

AN/ Other fanfic writers do this a lot, and I haven't done this yet, so I thought now would be a good time to give you all character sheets.

Name: Hideaki Senju

Title: Empress of the Leaf

Likes: Good books, learning, awesomeness, pranks, watermelons.

Dislikes: Fish, the Uchiha clan, betrayal, sad stories, liars.

Appearance: She has a shaggy white mane of hair pushed back by a forehead protector, the blue cloth band hidden by her hair (She even had a blank custom-made forehead protector to wear before she became an official Genin and put on the Leaf forehead protector), sharp crimson eyes, and a necklace is around her neck, typically worn beneath her hooded and white-furred black jacket. Her necklace is a blue rectangular crystal on a gold circle, and it's on a steel cord around her neck. She wears a short pleated skirt that wouldn't get in her way if she had to kick something, and her feet are covered by thigh-high leather boots with metal shinguards inside. Large leather shoulderpads stuck out a half-foot either side of her shoulders, connected to chest straps in a long X-shape on the front and a regular X on the back. On her belt, she keeps two katanas on each hip, and on her back, there is a long sheathe that holds an extra-long katana with an obsidian blade and diamond tip. A small but long white dog is typically perched upon her head, like Akamaru but pointier and lighter, two smaller dogs on her shoulderpads. Her body is strong, with a noticeable six pack, and a small chest due to her young age.

Fighting Style: The acrobatic Sorado and unpredictable Chimido allow her to quickly close in on foes, and dodge or block just about anything with supreme agility. She likes to toy with foes, taunting them while kicking them around like ragdolls, or having herself or her three dogs use Dynamic Marking at the earliest opportunity. She even wears special Chakra Underwear to allow her to use the jutsu herself. But when she gets serious, she goes in for the kill. Or nonlethal finisher, when she's supposed to do nonlethal captures. She knows all the body's weak points and vital regions, and it usually takes her just a swift kunai stab or claw swipe to finish a fight when she's not trying to cause as much pain as possible.

Personality: Thrill-seeking and studiousness are rarely two traits that go together, but in Hideaki, they do. She wants to go on epic adventures read all the books and learn all the jutsu in existence- not to become God like Orochimaru, but just because she's curious. She can be rude, blunt, abrasive, cold, and too eager to rush in without a proper plan and then think of something in the heat of the moment, but she'll never betray her friends or family, and her response to betrayal is to hunt down the betrayer and violently extract the reason for the betrayal as painfully as possible.

She thinks Dojutsu are kinda lame, but opponents who rely too much on them are even lamer. She thinks physical weirdness is cool, and mental weirdness is cool, but bad personalities are disgusting. Nothing scares her or embarasses her, not even things that probably should, she thinks Naruto's Orioke no Jutsu is funny and she even learned it herself, and she dislikes the Uchiha Clan due to the sticks most of them seem to have up their butts. She also dislikes using the Sharingan she has in combat, even more than she usually dislikes using jutsu that aren't her own to win or do well in a fight, but doesn't have anything against using it to copy jutsu. She doesn't mind blood or gore or violence, even scenes that would cause others to vomit. As for boys... nobody's really caught her eye yet, and she's too young to give a crap right now, but she'd want her lover to be cool, fast, strong, and badass, but not too manly to be nice to her and tell her how he cares for her. It also doesn't have to be a boy, she secretly likes boys and girls, and she thinks Hinata is the cutest thing in existence, but she doesn't want anyone to know. It's not illegal or anything, she just wants to be known as a badass Ninja and not the weird girl that likes both.

She's secretly insecure about how much she was born with, and she wants to live up to it and make her families proud. This is why she pushes her body so hard in training and has learned multiple Taijutsu styles, she wants to be able to win fights using her own skills and moves and call herself a worthy inheritor of the Senju clan.

History: Hideaki Senju was born in Konoha when her mother, the daughter of the great Tobirama Senju and a badass and unusually smart Inuzuka woman, married her father, a kind and intelligent Nara. His laziness wasn't at absolute deal-breaker levels, he just got by with the minimum of effort required, and to him, complaining took too much effort for it to be worth doing. Her grandmother once got in a duel to the death with an Uchiha over her accidentally slighting his pride when their teams met up at a training ground to secretly bicker over their current military strategy, the two began training to pass the time while their more politically-minded allies handled the bickering. Hideaki's badass granny got bored and started throwing kunai at targets from several hundred feet away with near-perfect accuracy, while the Uchiha took this as a slight against his abilities, attempted the same, and did nowhere near as well. Furious, the Uchiha and started calling her names, very bad ones, Granny Badass asked what the hell his problem was, and the Uchiha backhanded her across the face. Granny Badass turned back to face him, got into a fighting stance, and kicked his ass, leaving him in a crumpled heap on the floor. He got back up, kicked his Sharingan into their highest state, used Amaterasu, and tried to murder her, and then the fight began for real. It was a long and hard fight, their teammates staying back and watching because it had wordlessly become an official Clan duel and to interrupt was illegal. Eventually, completely out of chakra and mostly out of energy, one arm broken and the other torn off, one knee smashed in and the other bleeding badly, a lung pierced by a cracked rib, The Uchiha put a kunai in his mouth and charged. Without even trying, Hideaki's grandmother stuck out her two fingers in preparation for a Hyuga Jyuken strike, and then she stabbed her fingers through his chest, fingers piercing his flesh and skewering his heart. She said to him, "I doubt this is the deepest anyone's been inside of you", and then she pulled her hand out, let him fall, and she kicked him away like the piece of trash he was. His final words were gargled with blood, but he spent those final words insulting her and saying they'd have a rematch in hell. Hideaki's grandmother smirked, and said this is the last he'd see of her - Because he was going to hell but she wasn't, because she was a badass military strategist who made a lot of tough choices that saved a lot of lives, while he was just a jerk and common rank-and-file footsoldier lucky enough to be born into the Uchiha Clan - and she plucked out his eyes. He screamed, his throat and lungs finally filled completely with blood, and he died. She kept them in stasis, thinking they would make a nice trophy to go with the others in the back of her closet. But then, the Uchiha clan refused to let this decisive victory go unquestioned, insisting that it was all Hideaki's fault for 'insulting his pride' and they tried to have her given the death penalty for 'The unprovoked murder of a member one of Konoha's esteemed clans'. They failed, of course, and as a middle finger to the Uchiha Clan, she implanted her Sharingan eyes into her daughter at birth along with a seal that forced her body to accept and integrate them, which was why her eyes quickly returned to her red rather than the Uchiha's onyx. This daughter then implanted those Sharingan into her daughter when the time came, a daughter by the name of Hideaki, reimplanting her old eyes into herself and going back to ANBU. Her name also has a history, it was the name of a Hyuga woman her mother was very close with and knew very intimately, and the two worked together very closely on ANBU assassinations.

Hideaki had a crappy time at the Academy, showing up for the final year and easily finishing at the top of the class, hated by her fellow classmates, a hatred that only temporarily shrunk when she made them laugh by humiliatingly kicking the asses of others. But that was just a bonus she didn't care about, she didn't give a crap about what others thought about her. She befriended Naruto, granting him her seal that boosted his power and intelligence, and the two became friends and study buddies. Upon graduating, she was made the head of Last Shot Protocol, an emergency act where she was made the leader of a team of the top six Genin who didn't quite make the cut. If they succeeded on enough missions, they would all go on to be made Genin while she was guaranteed a promotion after her first Chunin Exams due to the leadership ability she showed. She may have began her time as a leader in a way nobody else expected, but regardless, she and her team will continue to train, complete missions, and fight for the Hidden Leaf Village.

Theme song: (FFnet won't let me post the link on its own, you'll have to type it in yourself) .ly (forward slash) 1I4OrB

Quotes:

"Let's make this fun!" (At the start of a match)

"You're gonna need some special ice for those special eyes!" (At the start of a match against an opponent with Dojutsu)

"You're boring me." (When winning)

"Now it's getting interesting!" (When losing)

"Nope!" (When dodging)

"You couldn't even kill my boredom!" (Win quote, 100% health)

"Over already?" (Win quote, 70% health)

"I've fought better." (Win quote, 50% health)

"Want to be my new sparring partner?" (Win quote, 10% health)

"Woah! Okay, we are so having a rematch!" (Loss quote)

"Stupid BS Dojutsu." (Loss quote against a Dojutsu user)

Finishing moves:

Heart Breaker: Hideaki's three dogs use the Transformation Jutsu to take on their human forms, and then use Shadow Stitching Jutsu to hold their opponent in place. Hideaki then rushes towards her opponent and drives a clawed hand through the opponent's chest, grabbing their heart, and she shoves it down their throat.

Uchihax: Hideaki activates her Sharingan and uses the power of cheating to summon a giant snake despite not having a snake contract, hypnotise it, hop into its mouth, teleport into the air one inch above her opponent's head, crushing her foe as the snake's head opens, and then she hops out and uses Amaterasu to roast the snake and her opponent hard enough to make a colossal crater in the ground just to be sure.

Thunder Rain: Hideaki's dogs leap up and use lightning chakra and Dynamic Marking together, creating spiralling waves of undodgeable flying liquid that looks normal, but paralyzes the opponent when it hits them by frying the nerve endings in the body. Hideaki then smiles and stalks towards her foe, and uses Fang Over Fang to drill straight through their chests, stopping and landing once she's twenty feet away from them. Finally, she uses a handseal to detonate the lightning chakra focused in the liquid, obliterating the pierced body in a massive yellow explosion behind her.


End file.
